I think I've talked about my sitch. somewhere here, but I couldn't find it, so I'll comment here again. My dad left when I was 20. I was away at school, my sister was 18 and at home, got the full 'brunt' of my mom's frustration.
Was it better they waited? I don't know. I understand the feeling of having your childhood memories stolen! My mom is still (after 20 yrs) so bitter that she counts the hrs spent with her compared to my dad. At one point she figured it must be because my dad has money(?!?) so she started buying expensive gifts she couldn't afford to 'win' us to 'her side'. Each time I'm in the states with the kids, at some point, mom starts a fight about how horrible we are that we've abandonded her for my dad (has nothing to do apparently with me living so far away, that she somehow deals with). She told me once she would never marry again, because she didn't want to bring another man into my life (?)
But I wonder what it would be like if dad had left when I was a kid, and if we had been alone with mom going through this stuff! Maybe she would have been more resilient when she was younger. I see now looking back, that she was not alone in blame for the demise in the marriage, but I know she was the LD partner.
So it's a really hard call for me. Maybe my mom would've remarried if she had been younger, but I suspect if she had, that marriage would have been just as problematic. I wonder if my dad would have even thought of fighting for custody, as he is a bit 'old world', and wouldn't have wanted to take the kids away from their mom.
If both parents were 'adults' about it, and were both able to go on, remarry wisely? Maybe then it would be better to do it while the kids are young, if it's going to happen.
I also look at my in-laws, who married late, and stayed together, and now, after 30 yrs, they do sort of rely on one another, but I still couldn't say that their's is a marriage I'd want to emmulate.
