Barney, I'm going to introduce another loose cannon onto the deck... waiting until the children are older to divorce isn't always such a good idea. Let me direct you to this book:
"This book addresses not only the immediate crisis but also the deep long-lasting distress of adults whose parents divorce."
My late husband divorced when his last child was just out of college. She never forgave him, and in fact, would not come into his room in the ICU when he was dying. In some families, "the stress of divorces among older couples on their adult children is distinctly different from and more severe than that experienced by younger offspring of divorcing parents, contend freelance writer Fintushel (whose parents were divorced when she was 22) and family therapist Hillard."
For some older kids (and believe me, the ones cited in this book are BITTER), they feel that all their good childhood memories are invalidated by their parents' divorce, and now that they are grown and out of the house, there is no chance to create any more new childhood memories. The people interviewed for this book feel like their childhood was stolen, that their parents were living a lie all their lives. They wonder if their parents ever loved each other. When did the lying start, were those family Christmases and trips to Disney World all a sham? Did you hate each other then, too, and just pretend for our sake?... it gets really ugly. The book chilled me to the bone.
Let's face it, divorce is hard on everyone-- especially children. But young children are adaptable, and nowadays, many of their friends come from divorced homes. When I was a kid, being a Catholic and an Air Force brat who lived on base, I didn't know a divorced person that I was aware of until I was in college! Now, it is very common, for good or for ill. I don't think children of divorce today feel like damaged goods or oddballs like they did when I was a kid. If anything, the kid whose original parents are still married is the unusual one
This book will curl your hair and may obliterate any reasons you have for sticking around "for the sake of the children."
