Feb,

You are obviously a very smart lady. I'll bet you're hot, too. (No offense intended...just add fantasy issues to my list of problems.)

Of course you're right about my situation. My answer to how I'm going to make it is simply to take it one day at a time. I'm not completely sure I have what it takes to keep living this way.

I'm willing to "check back in" if for no other reason than for personal sanity. But the lack of sex is just one way of our troubles manifesting. There are control, emotional manipulation, and denial issues that would have to be dealt with for me to "check in". For example, my W read Dr. Laura's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, at a friend's recommendation. (I had read it, too, and many things in it NAILED our situation.) My W's comment to me after reading it was, "You've sure got it good! I'm nothing like those W in the book!" When I replied that the book has a lot in it that applies to us, she threw a fit (literally) that I would say such a thing. I called her on it right away, but quickly saw that it would do no good and let it go.

A few weeks ago, after a long sexual drought she made a terribly lame attempt at ML. (I've never been "allowed" to initiate sex. It has been under her control from the beginning.) She said, "I may not be any good at this, but at least ILY." I thanked her for saying "ILY" and asked why she didn't also want to be good at ML. She got angry at me for saying she wasn't any good at ML.

So, while I completely agree with your assessment, my hands are pretty much tied. Don't get me wrong...I've done this to myself in choosing to "stick it out" for my kids, so I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone. The problem I face is one of trying to live a "normal" life, like my unmet sexual needs aren't controlling my every thought and action. Unfortunately, I'm still like the 17 year old boy who sees everything through the filter of sexual deprivation. My W will HAVE to make some changes for me to be happy and nothing short of a bona fide miracle will cause that.

Mike - 48yo M who becomes like a slobbering 2yo at the sight of nipples