I'm posting this to give myself a measuring stick for any action that may be appropriate. I've found that I become passive without doing so. Comments and critiques are welcome.
Nothing new has taken place in my M. As a reminder, several months ago I told my W that I would no longer accept uninvolved and unenthusiastic sex. That started her reading a little of TSSM and PM (up to HTR), talking to a phone counselor from DB, and initiating sex several mornings over a few weeks. Once the sex started there was an "I'm glad that's over with" attitude and shortly afterward things stopped (somewhat due to scheduled vacations and other summer events).
Since the initial "confrontation" there have been no attempts on her part to regain any connection, sexual or emotional. We've had one convo about it since. I let her know that I'm not upset, but in the same place as before. I won't pressure her for sex and I won't accept mercy sex, but that I need a sexual R to be happy and therefore can't guarantee, under the present circumstances, that I'll be around when the kids are grown.
We're currently living through the manic-depressive behavior swings, heavy on the depressive side. Everything is my fault: I'm not affectionate, I'm not giving her confidence to do anything, I'm not helping her with the kids, etc.
To respond honestly to her charges: I'm only "friendly" affectionate (friendly hugs, backrubs when requested, etc.), I express appreciation for what she does for the family (but I'm not taking responsibility to "build her up"),and I always have helped with the kids (this is a "push my button" move).
She mentioned the other day that she knows that I may not be around when the kids are grown, which was a real surprise to me. (Pre-PM, she would ignore what I've had to say about being "desperate".)
Consequently, I don't see anything else to do. There's nothing more to say for her to understand how serious an issue this is for me. She doesn't have my "threat of leaving" hanging over her head since my youngest is 7, and she knows I'll keep my word to stay.
In the middle of a fit she threw last week, she claimed that she wanted sex and I was the one who was refusing, followed by telling me that I was disobeying the Bible to refuse her. When I calmly responded that she should live according to what the Bible says before using it against me, she moved her tantrum to another subject.
Anyway, this is for me more than anyone else. Hopefully, it will give me some clarity or something. I may have a long way to go.
Maybe I should start working on that personal ad now..."Financially secure HDM, 59, seeks attractive 20-something HDW for true love. Sex once every day a minimum! Desire and initiative critical. Experience not necessary, will train. Interested applicants will be required to audition.(Older than 20's invited to apply if applicant believes herself up to the strenuous activity level.)"
