That, of course, is a generalization, and no excuse, but it's a start. When I first came here, most people told me straight out that they were surprised that I was actually intellegent - that most Americans they had met were rather 'stupid'. Why? Because they talked so much. 'Small talk' doesn't exsist as a concept here. Young people are better at it - because it's a cool thing to do. Businesses run classes in it for their employees who have to deal with Americans.
H + I can talk about the kids, and lately we will talk about other neutral 'stuff', but I'm not sure if he'll ever be the type of person that I can sit and have a 'heart to heart' with, though he's more talkative than your 'average' Finn. He gets annoyed when I 'explain' things, he would rather have everything in short, to the point, black and white answers.
H is not a social person, he really doesn't have any friends that he interacts with on a regular basis, and most of his colleagues are women (something he's not comfortable with. Like JJ, I suspect my H is a bit of a misogynist). He's not that great at interacting with anyone, not just me. He seems to be in awe (and yes, proud) that we have such outgoing children.
I remember when I first met H's aunt and uncle - and the uncle would just sit in the corner, nod occasionally...I've known him now for 15 yrs, and he hasn't spoken much more than that. If you know the stereotype of an old New England farmer - my Grandpa was one - who answers any question with 'Yawup'? that's your typical Finnish man.
So, take a talkative American and taciturn Finn...I have to learn to calm my conversational style waaaaayyyyy down, learn to leave 'dead air' in convos, which are considered signs of thought. I still make mistakes. Too many.
That doesn't take all the pressure off H, I find it amusing that he will often in one of our 'convos' go on for several minutes explaining to me why I should make my answers short because he forgets what my idea was by the time I get to the end.
Together time...when we first dated, we used to play computer games together, and we did do a bit of traveling. I remember once chasing a woman through the streets of Brussells because H insisted she was wearning fishnet stockings, and I said no (she was ) Come to think of it, H never told me what his end of the bet was, said he would save it...maybe this is it
Other than that, it was music that brought us together, but this is a bit of a problem area as well, though H knows a lot, he's not a performer, doesn't understand the 'music' part of music, and I think he feels inferior to me in that way. I remember often when we first started dating, he kept saying that 'Musicians only want to talk to other musicians'. I think he wanted to be 'in' on the 'shop talk', but didn't get it. This is a bit of a sore spot.
) Come to think of it, H never told me what his end of the bet was, said he would save it...maybe this is it 
