'Fluttering' seems to be where i am right now...not quite sure what I'm doing. Maybe it's the few days I was away, or maybe it's the dark fall after a rainy summer, or pms, or whatever.
Last night I was going to start talking. I didn't want to get into a 'deep convo' I really wanted to ask some questions, in kind of a light friendly way, whatever, I froze. I couldn't do it. So we sat watching tv, H got up to get something at some point and complained about the kitchen...
I hate that this is about housework. I hate that H does no laundry while I'm away and complains that I leave something in the kitchen. I hate that that bothers me. I do get upset about this stuff, but only because H finds it important (and yes, I do see how horrible that sentance is!). Our house is not spotless, but it is far from complete chaos either. I can't help thinking that if we were ML all this other stuff would be a lot easier to deal with...
Anyway...after the show, H got up to get ready for bed, and I sat on the couch, kind of confused, and frustrated, mostly with myself. H came down to get a glass of water, so I went into the kitchen, took the glass from his hand, and hugged him. Surprised him a bit, and he said 'What's this?' I shrugged my shoulders.
H pulled away 'What's that supposed to mean'. M 'It means, I don't honestly know what this is, but I'm lonely, and I needed a hug'
H squirmed a bit, then came back. I started crying. H took a paper and wiped - first his neck, then my eyes...but he did have a look in his eyes I haven't seen in a long time.
I tried to kiss him, finally got a friendly kiss back. There was a bit of H getting squirmy and noticing all kinds of 'things', but we did manage to hug for a few minutes.
Then H promptly announced that he still wasn't feeling well, and loaded himself up with newspapers to read in bed.
It's not all H's fault...there have been times in the morning, when he's been friendly and wakes me up with a hug and kiss, that I find myself thinking 'what does he want?' meaning is H being nice because he was cr*ppy last night and wants to be sure I'm in a good mood and will go make him breakfast.
I think we're getting to the point where we need to have the 'Look Mr, ML to me or I'm going to the bar' talk, and then let's sort the rest of this stuff out. It's either that, or PMS talking...
When you think too much, you start "getting in trouble." Why does it matter so much what his motives are? Can he force you to do what he wants all the time? Just enjoy a hug or kiss or whatever and go with it.
RE: messy house... my W and I had a conversation yesterday that went something like this:
W: this bed cover is toast M: yes, well I try to wipe up the spills as soon as they happen, but it doesn't help too much W: maybe we could get a nice new one sometime soon M: I guess so, but we should wait a few years until the kids are older W: this used to be such a nice cover... and how it's all sh*tted up - what happened to keeping things clean and nice and neat?!? M: we had kids
So, I think any household with young kids is doomed to live in a state of disarray and "uncleanliness" unless there is constant cleaning going on. Don't stress about it! Are your kids being ignored or going without things that they need?? I doubt it. You're doing your best!
TNC wrote: -------------- W: maybe we could get a nice new one sometime soon. --------------
TNC: "Great idea. Let's make a date, just me and you, and go shopping for a new cover."
Don't throw away good opportunities for a connection.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
NOP posted: TNC: "Great idea. Let's make a date, just me and you, and go shopping for a new cover."
Don't throw away good opportunities for a connection. ----------
Ok, I'm just going to say it. I don't think there is a Mrs.NOP.
NOP is ghost writing as her to throw the W off guard and writing all this relationship stuff to make them fall for him. Women, if he "just happens" to be traveling through your town and offers to meet, be afraid! Be very afraid!
Quote: TNC: "Great idea. Let's make a date, just me and you, and go shopping for a new cover."
Don't throw away good opportunities for a connection.
Uhhh, yeah... that's something that we NEVER EVER do alone - shop. We either have the kids with us or we have the kids + inlaws with us. In fact, we haven't done anything "alone" since May 22 (our anniversary), and that was dinner and a movie. I think we "use" other people as shields so that we don't have to be alone together. Isn't that funny?
Quote: TNC: "Great idea. Let's make a date, just me and you, and go shopping for a new cover."
Don't throw away good opportunities for a connection.
Uhhh, yeah... that's something that we NEVER EVER do alone - shop. We either have the kids with us or we have the kids + inlaws with us. In fact, we haven't done anything "alone" since May 22 (our anniversary), and that was dinner and a movie. I think we "use" other people as shields so that we don't have to be alone together. Isn't that funny?
- Chris.
Yes, that's just hilarious. I'm ROTFCMEO (rolling on the floor crying my eyes out). I always used to think that my W and I never went out because we were "too busy" or because W didn't want to "worry about the kids", but now I have a sneaking suspicion that she just "doesn't want to be alone with me". Must have been something I ate.
Try smaller chunks of intimacy, like going out on walks. If you get far enough away she can't easily get away from you, but she's close enough to home that she will still feel safe.
Even my W will go out on walks.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
We play cards together. Some activity like that will get you interacting with each other, but it won't feel so scary. Oh and I second the walks! I love taking walks and intend to take one tonight, if at all possible.
H brought something interesting up the other night. He was listening to talk radio and the host was a psychiatrist. H said that every time a married person was calling in to complain about their spouse, he'd say, "Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Get rid of it!" lol
I have to agree with that advice. We briefly had a tv in our boudoir and it never got watched so we put it away. I think we had visions of us snuggling up together and watching movies, etc, but it never happened that way. One of us would fall asleep while the other tossed and turned and tried to tune out the noise and glare. It was NOT conducive to intimacy at all. There was no chance or opportunity or motivation for us to talk to each other and.........it invaded a sacred space, kwim? Our bedroom is a place for us to interact with each other as adults and grownups and people who have a deep interest in the other. Having a television just seemed to circumvent all situations in which we might have otherwise been forced to turn to each other for entertainment.
So for us it was a good thing to banish it to the basement. Others might have differing opinions but I found that without it, we were forced to find other ways to entertain ourselves and that only benefitted our M. (of course, when these activities are sexual, then I REALLY am thankful that the boob tube is in basement hell!:)
