I read your message just before I went to bed last night, and it got to me. I broke down. Big sobs, feeling sorry for myself, why have I done this to me, my kids, etc...I really wasn't sure how I was going to get to sleep. Finally it struck me.
So I got up and went to the computer room where H was, and confronted him. Why had he acted that way with the kids, etc...H tried to sidetrack me several times (amazing how it's the same things over and over, I really can't understand how those things come out of an intellegent mouth), but finally I got through that what I want is for us as a family to enjoy being together, and that in 10 yrs when we have to deal with the *big* stuff with the kids, I hope that they will have some trust and respect in us, and maybe listen about 50% of the time (ok, I realize that may be pushing it )
H was very quiet, and I stood there, watching him wrestle with it, hoping he got what I meant. H finally said 'Go away', so I went back to bed. There was a part of me that was scared of what he would do...
H came to bed a little later, and I got a kiss and hug this morning. Baby steps...
)