I guess I've been letting things slide for a while, gonna' pay for it. We've been able to talk about little stuff over the past few days, I've been pretty positive, even though H has been picking at things, but not too bad, especially when he realizes he can't get to me. There have been a couple of days when I've felt overwhelmed, but I've been able to bounce back.

We went to in-law's summer cottage for the last time this weekend, to pick potatoes, I got to go mushrooming. One thing about having a rainy summer, there are lots of mushrooms in the fall!!

Didn't see much of H while we were there but that's not unusual, since we busy ourselves with different things...BIL talked to me at one point, asked what is up with H, he seems even more negative than usual...I said that H had told me his 'winter blues' were already setting in, and that we had had some long talks...BIL says he doesn't get how someone with so much going for him can be so negative...

We came home late last night so we would have today 'off'. I got up with the kids this 'morning', per usual, H came down later ate by himself, then started cleaning. He got D6 to help him.

H started yelling at the kids for different things, some of them legitimate complaints, but definately in a much too loud tone, and he kept pushing, started with me...

I lost it. I hate that he can push my buttons that way, and that I let it get to me. I went upstairs to cool off, then came back down and apologized.

M 'I'm sorry I lost my temper, but it gets to me when your first interaction with us this morning is yelling, and it seems as though you keep pushing me to see how far you can go before I blow up.'

H 'That's your opinion'

He did calm down, and he did spend a little more time with the kids this afternoon, but I still think I did more harm...it will be a long time before he cleans again, and this tension will build, Not only that but I've lost a lot of the small EC that I had started to feel. I guess I'm trying to find a way to get my guts up again for another big talk. ML would strengthen the EC, but without it, H isn't going to even want to talk, and I'm feeling worn out...