I've been following your posts all day. From a women's perspective I can see similiarities between your W and me. However I work full time. My schedule is busy. I work in a demanding field, have 3 kids ages 6, 4, & 3, and go to school full time on line. I lost myself and the person that I was before all this responsibility. Some of your W's complaints are very similar to mine. I used to complain, moan, bitch, and wine about never having any time for anything. To make things worse my H works 2nd shift so by the time he get's home I have no energy left for sex. I lost myself and that was mostly my own fault. My H is tired of hearing it from me too. Not that he doesn't have faults but until I found this board and Michele's technigues, I kept doing more of the same. I have learned to not whine, moan, and complain. I am doing something different. I am taking responsibility for my own resentment and have recently gone to counselor to help me do this. It wasn't until my marriage had completely fell apart this summer (My H had and EA, possibly a PA with our children't nanny). If I was not depressed before I certainly am now. I finally realized I need help. I need someone to listen to me but it's not my H right now. He is depressed too and the entire sitch is bothersome to both of us. I bought the marriage break through tapes and they have helped me understand the differences in Men and Women. Have you or your W watched these? They enhance what Michele writes about in DR and DB. I've learned a lot in the past month and I think now that I have stopped nagging and complaining my H is starting to show more willingness to reconcile and his resentment seems to be dwindling a little. We have been married for 10 years. Michele says it takes one month (approx) for every year that there have been problems, to repair the damage. I am not 100% confident but if anything I feel better than I did a month ago. Depression eats away at you and I've finally realized that long term resentment is what makes you ill, mentally and physically. I say encourage the counseling for W if you think she is depressed. If she won't listen to you maybe she will listen to a friend.
