Please take this with a "grain of salt" I may be over sensitive to warning signs right now (read post from 9/11 @ 9:43 for details).
From simply what you just posted, I would venture to guess your wife suffers from some form of depression. I have learned alot about depression over the past 48 hours and I am in a hazey zone right now so if I am wrong forgive me.
My W displayed all the things your W is telling you. Took to long to put a dish int he refigerator because she didn't have time. Never had time to have any fun. Was mad at me for playing golf "for business reasons" when she didn't have time to have fun.
What most of us would consider common sense items where major issues for her that had no real solutions. She would go to pick up our son then drive over to get our daughter and pass not less then 6 stores along the way and call me to get her something from the store because she didn't have time. When in fact all she had to do was pick the kids up and bring them home and no other things needed done or where planned for the rest of the evening.
My W had to be everywhere not less then 45 minute early for fear she would be late. If the kids where at my parents house so we could go out, she spent most of the time worried about how my parents felt about babysitting instead of enjoying herself. I had almost the exact same "fight" with my W about getting dinner after a movie as you posted above.
If your W has not had previous depression issues, try to get her to discuss it with her Dr or a C. If she has a history this may be easier either way it will be a tough thing to bring up without her getting upset.
