... it does go to "how to handle situations," and I suspect there IS some relationship between my wife's LD/ND and the following behavior.
While on the one hand she can be very tough, demanding or even confrontational in SOME areas of her life, in so many other ways she acts totally powerless over even the simplest of situations, and totally overwhelmed by everyday circumstances. ESPECIALLY when they relate to her happiness or doing anything at all for herself.
She often says things like "Oh, I WISH I had time for that," or "I don't get to do fun things like that," or "I'm just tied to THIS HOUSE," etc. Within the past two weeks alone, it has gotten to ridiculous proportions, where she has -- very seriously -- said:
1) "I-I don't have TIME to even PUT that away!" (referring to some leftover homemade soup that she had made for dinner, which she had already put into a covered dish, and only needed to be PLACED INTO THE GARAGE REFRIGERATOR before leaving for an open house at our daughter's school). It took me literally 20 SECONDS to do it, and we left together on time;
2) "Well, THERE goes any chance I had of working out this week!" (when the hurricane and its associated power outages left our four children's school without power and closed for the week, so the kids -- DD17, DD15, DS11 and DS8 -- were at home all week.) When I questioned why, and pointed out that our daughters could babysit or my older son even stay home alone for an hour or two (we've started doing that recently), she got exasperated and just said "You don't understand!" She often points out things that are "impossible" to do, and when I point out how she might be able to do that, sometimes very easily, she just gets mad that I burst her pity party balloon;
3) After a "date nite" to the movies Saturday night, she wanted to go get some late dinner, but our sons were at grandma and grandpa's house and it was 9:30 and DS11 wanted to go home. I said, "too bad, he'll get over it -- let's go get something to eat," she got all flustered and announced "I can never do anything fun! Now we have to go home!" This turned into a MAJOR fight all evening, with me challenging her that "We're the adults, and we can do anything we choose to do, but we have to decide to do it," and she just once again announced that "As usual, I get NO understanding from you! All I wanted to do was go out and have a good time, but NOOOOOO, I don't 'get to to that!'"
I cannot STAND this "martyr complex" behavior, and it's so ironic because in EVERY other way, she is NOT a "feel-sorry-for-yourself" kind of person. She comes from a very "tough" family, and one where you don't call in sick or sit around pitying yourself. So what gives when it comes to her "fun time," and how can I call her on it or better handle these situations? I know she doesn't want me lecturing her on what she's doing wrong, but these are SO easily fixable!
