Ciao, tutti! I've been working on this post for two weeks now.... it just keeps growing, so I'd better post it.
So things are going okay right now. I've been nagged constantly by my biological clock, which means I am not so subtly hung up on people and their children. I have been knitting a baby blanket for two months now. Finally, H announced that his god-daughter is pregnant, which means I finally have someone to give this project to. It also means that I feel like a wretchedly old, failure. It's not that I'm afraid to have children late in life, but my husband doesn't want children. There are times when that is okay with me... this isn't one of them.
H has been in and out of a funk the last few months. This week he seems to be in good spirits, but the job hunting is really starting to get him down. I can tell when he's really bugged about it, because he starts picking on me and and is almost unbearable to be around. He also won't take a compliment, be reasonable, take any constructive action or accept any kind of affection.
Here's an example... A friend of "his" (whom he claims is my friend, not his) asked me if he could help H with fixing our porch. I didn't bring up the subject. I hedged and said something non-committal, like "Oh, I don't think he's going to do that in the autumn."
Now when someone does repeatedly offers their help like this, I think, "Gee he really must want to spend some time with us and be friends." H concluded that our friend thought H was a bum and that I was painting myself as some helpless woman with a worthless husband. H jumped all over my case that I hadn't flat refused the offer. I couldn't get H to point out a single occassion in which I had solicited this man's help in working on the porch. It also made no difference when I pointed out that I hadn't refused, because it was H's project and I didn't want to assume that he didn't want help. Of course the real issue is that H is sensitive about having not fixed the porch yet, but I didn't do anything.
Two weeks ago he was feeling down about his job prospects, and got mad at me for deciding to have the neighbors over for lemonade. I've lived here for seven years and have never once invited the neighbors over, and don't know more than a handful of names, so I thought it was about time that we do something casual with our neighbors. I have to admit that the gathering required sitting in front of our hillbilly porch; and I made the decision unilaterally. I accepted that I would have to put up with a certain amount of flack, but the bile H spewed at me for three days preceding was pretty over the top. He took five minutes helping me deliver the six invitations and then griped at me for thirty minutes afterwards. He hit high dudgeon in the two hours before the gathering, "Don't move the chairs! That lemonade is awful! What is THAT you are making? I don't want a bunch of strange people over here. Just because we live next to each other doesn't mean we need to be friends." It went on and on, until the first person arrived, then he put the dogs on leads and took them out to meet the neighbors. We had a pleasant talk with our neighbors for an hour or so, then they left and we went inside. He hasn't complained since, though I suppose he's still brewing on the fact that I did it in spite of his objections.
Long, very long, story made short... I was right, and he was in a bad mood. The only other person I know who is more negative and has more ego at stake in every little decision is H's even wierder brother. We had BIL over for dinner the other night, and the pompous jerk started telling H about how he should give up trying to get a good job and just get any job, because he "needs" to. I glared at him and said, "No, he doesn't 'need' to do anything other than what he is doing." BIL dropped the subject, a shame because I was ready rip his head off. H always says that I would never stand up for him, but he nearly got a show Saturday night. After they left, H was trying to defend his brother to me, but I wouldn't hear it. I'll be d@mned if that miserable, pompous, jerk is going to sit in our house and imply that my husband has somehow failed and should "give up." Even if it were true, which it isn't, it is hard enough to encourage H and keep him in a good frame of mind without people who supposedly care about him tearing him down.
A few days ago he gave me the almost weekly talk about how I'm amazing to put up with him. I always make him explain my amazingness, because I never get tired of it. I always tell him why I adore him. He never believes me. I went a step further and told him that I knew I wasn't what he wanted in a wife, but that I try to make the best of what I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm medicine... he doesn't like it, but it's good for him. I know that's a little egotistical.
I tease him a lot about his negative attitude. The joke is that everyone is out to get "him." He usually takes it in stride.
Last night, we were watching King of Queens. In the episode they sat down to write their 20 favorite things, then compared lists. They had no matches. It was funny to me, because H likes to go on about how we have nothing in common. After the show, I asked him if he thought we'd have a match. He snorted. Then I said, "What about the dogs? We both love dogs. And I even know things about dog behavior, so you don't have to put up with me being one of those ignorant dog people." I got a hug for that one.
