Hello all! Time for an update... I started going to a therapist. At first, I thought she was a fruitloop, who kept talking about my inner child and sparkle and such. I am finding that she's pretty perseptive even if I have to run everything through the new age nonsense filter. It seems to me lately that my arguments with H are much more constructive than they have been in the past. I'm standing my ground, but not rising to the bait as easily. We were both exhausted and cranky last night. He started badgering me, and I told him to just stop. Usually that starts a new argument, but not last night. He did stop and later he even apologized for griping at me.
I feel kind of bad right now, because he's pressuring me to cancel our Thanksgiving plans. We're behind the eightball on getting the house in order, in part due to the fact that his stuff is "everywhere" and in part because I broke my foot yesterday, which required us to waste an entire day with doctors. Now I'm dead slow and H is constantly forbidding me to do things. Granted, I am exactly the type of person to overdo it, but his "rules" pretty much confine me to sitting on the sofa. I'm sick of his "rules." So, I limp up and down the basement steps with laundry, crawl around the bathroom with the caulking gun and drag furniture across the room from a seated position. It drives him absolutely insane, and there is a devilish part of me that loves it.
Even if I weren't getting so much joy out of prodding the wild animal with a stick, I think his attitude about getting the house ready absolutely sucks. "We can't" isn't true and isn't an attitude that will make it possible for us to succeed. It's important to me that we have this dinner at our house and that our house be clean and orderly. I had to give up a hiking trip and an ice skating party, but I can do this. Not only is this important to me, but I need his help to pull it off. He won't even talk to me about what needs to be done; and I know that he has in mind to do it all himself to his perfectionist standards, and that's what's really ticking through his mind when he's griping about how I do too much. The pressure must be unbearable, especially with me being completely helpless.
He's supposed to take me to Italian class tonight, so hopefully I'll get the chance to explain (again) how important this is to me. I know it can't feel good to have me ignoring his demands that I cancel. It doesn't feel much better to have him telling me what I can not do. Oh well. TTFN! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
