HDW with LDH... so confused ????

[MadFrog]

I think others have said this before, but let me try to be blunt and frank:
from the tones of all your posts, even your handle, it sounds like you need to do some serious soul-searching.
As odd as it may seem, I think you need to convince yourself (first) that you can be perfectly happy WITHOUT your husband. Then once you can be happy YOURSELF, without needing his validation/presence/approval/whatever - you may actually be able to stand up for yourself, and let your spouse know that you deserve some respect. Basically, you need to grow the balls to tell him what you need to be happy in your marriage. He will then have to chose (yes, him) to either work with you towards a happy marriage, or letting it go. At which point, you have the option to leave him if he choses the latter. I think that just by seeing how happy you can be once you step away from him a little bit may let him understand that your whole world does not revolve around him and his needs.

oh, and by the way, growing balls ain't easy, regarldess of your gender - when you are a door mat by nature.

this is just my opinion, your mileage may vary, etc. You should really read the Passionate Marriage book; I think it would be helpful to you.