I was just having a conversation with my H not too long ago, it kind of went like this:
H: Why did you tear the address off of my magazine (addressed to H at OW's) I said I didn't want to see it, why do have a subscription that started in February when you had moved out of OW's. H: She has lots of my stuff there and it takes awhile for the subscription to start (ordered it before he moved out obviously)and I'm thinking why did you have to point THAT out Me: I tore it off becuase it's in my house H: You're right it is your house, I'm moving out. H: I keep telling myself I'm moving out and then I don't. (HE says he's moving, but doesn't say to OW's and this has been a standard line of my H's for YEARS, when he cannot deal with reality--I'm moving out) Me: I know (it's not like it's the first time I've neard it) H: I tell OW to find someone else, someone without a kid and she still calls me. Me: Well you must not be saying it strong enough (why does he continue to take her calls, whatever, excuses, excuses)
I'm enough detached at this point (finally!) that conversations like this don't even bother me anymore, words and words only. His actions speak differently.
We were at a funeral yesterday and he mentioned that some peole asked who I was and that his two cousins had never met me. I asked him why he didn't introduce me and he said "you didn't come over by me" to which I replied "if you wanted to introduce me you could have come and got me and/or told your cousins I'm going to get my wife, I'd like you to meet her" so obviously YOU didn't want me to meet them. I know this isn't true, but he was trying to make it my fault. So H TRIED to put this back on me, in the past it would have made ME feel bad, but it's not sticking anymore. He was quiet after that remark.
We went to the funeral, my H's uncle..never knew the man very well..but wished I had after the wonderful service they had for him. H didn't want to go to the dinner after mass, kept saying it wasn't his thing, he didn't want to go, we were almost to the car and I gently grabbed his arm and softly said "come on let's go in" and so we went to dinner. Sometimes you do things not becuase you want to do them, but because it's the right thing to do.
I haven't been to a funeral in quite awhile and with my new found spiriturality, the service had a whole new meaning and it was all I could do to keep myself from sobbing, I choked back many tears. And I never really knew the man.
My H's other aunt/uncle have lost three children and his aunt said to me and SIL "he's (uncle who died) in a better place. At that point H's aunt started crying and said that before her daughter died,(this spring) she had told her she was going to a better place and that she (aunt) wished she could go tomorrow herself..it was so sad.
