Thanks for point me to MGoBlue's thread. I read it yesterday, went back today and read it differently, I understand completely whereas yesterday they were just words.
For a time I was delving into myself and what brought me to this point in my life, looking back into my childhood, and going forward from high school. I find myself now looking back at H’s childhood and going forward from high school and the view is totally different then it was a year ago. This is all based on things H has told me over the years, I am now going back and looking at everything again. I haven’t gotten to our dating/marriage yet. More recently he has been giving me more, an old girlfriend from high school was brought up while we were in the hospital, that I knew nothing about. Before his biopsy he told me that for six months he worked at a place in Colorado that manufactured Agent Orange, which I never knew about. It’s like I’m getting to know him all over again by going backwards, if that makes sense.
H has been running all his life and something my SIL told me about H years ago is like a neon light. We were talking about money and SIL mentioned that since H was 12 if he had money, he’d spend it as fast as he could. Since about the time H turned 40 he has been spending money as fast as he makes it. On some days he does act like a teenager, but now I’m thinking it’s more like a 12 year old. H also had a tremendous growth spurt when he was 12, he was six feet tall!
I believe this man has been hiding his true self for years. I believe that nobody has ever REALLY known H and that something happened way back while he was growing up. H is on a journey to find his true self, his adult self, he is trying to grow up. Yes I know it’s part of MLC, my putting here it means I am acknowledging it in my mind and accepting him as he is for now. It’s a new revelation for me. I am viewing this situation without all the emotion, looking at my H as this person I never got to know. I compare it to a puzzle at this point, I have all the outside pieces, my H has the inside pieces. He has given me some inside pieces, but I believe many are missing. Until he opens up to me the puzzle will remain unfinished.
I am sure there will be more revealed to me in the coming weeks. The last time things were shown to me was while H was away on his hunting trip, H is currently on a fishing trip and I have now been shown more. This leads me to beleive and accept that H also needs the time to find his answers and he needs to be alone without distractions, he needs to come through this on his own.
God does listen to prayers and God answers prayers, in his timing.
