Well Satan is throwing the big stuff at me this last week. Sitting in my living room is a candy bouquet from OW, in the bathroom a magazine with H’s name, but OW’s address and then yesterday H told me he borrowed the trailer he BOUGHT (clueless because it’s been sitting in our yard for a few weeks and was not told it had been purchased from my brother’s store) to OW so that she could take her 4-wheeler into be worked on. From what I can figure he did this on Friday, he told me he took it to her work which means S4 was with him.
Saturday H did his own thing. I golfed with my friend P and S4 came along and he did really well considering we were out there about two hours, watched the football game at the golf club, came home and about 9ish, H rolls in from who knows where.
Yesterday, we bought a new tree stand with safety belt and a ladder vs. pegs in the side of the tree. On the way to land, H told me about the trailer, out of the blue, that he was helping her out, he said he did nice things for OW and he does nice things for me like putting up my treestand. I started getting pissy, but conceded, too much energy to rebel, and said that he was a very generous person. At first he thought I was being sarcastic, but I said no I mean it you are very generous and OW is very generous and giving. In my mind I'm thinking if you like a person who can meet your every need than yes she is great that way, I know I cannot be that generous and giving as I have a child, my job and other interests, my life cannot be devoted to a single person and that's okay.
He put up my tree stand, I helped and while standing there thought back over the years and really admire H for being the thoughtful, helpful person he is. It was hard work putting that stand up and in my mind I thought I would be regretting it if it caused H to backslide after his surgery. He does go out of his way for me and SS-soon to be 21! and S-soon to be 5!, even though he would never admit he actually cared about us, admitted he is a generous person. He’d rather gripe and complain about how ungrateful everyone is and then turn around and give the shirt off his back to the person in need.
There is a lot going through my mind these days, I'm being led to believe that OW is more of an emotional A than a physical A at this point. OW isn’t feeling like the threat she was a few months ago, OW has no one and my H is her someone, wants to do everything for H behind his back usually and without asking H if he wants the help. And she was there for H when he needed someone, when she needed someone H was there for her, they kept each other propped up. But now I think it's time for OW to stand on her own two feet and maybe in a way H is helping her, I don't know. Time will tell.
H is a really a nice guy, a generous thoughtful caring guy. He still has a lot of anger in him, saw it this weekend. His cellphone went out on him and he threw it on the seat in the truck other bits of anger here and there, anger about nothing really. This might be H’s way of dealing with his pain, with his guilt, I don’t take it personally anymore, don’t like the anger coming from him, but I can’t do anything about it either.
Haven't received final results from biopsy as of right now, keep praying.
