Quote: Our parents invariably rejected some aspects of us, either through criticism (don’t act that way) or inattention (ignoring, say, our anger or ambition, or even certain interests and talents). When this happens we split off those parts of ourselves and hide them in our conscious. But although we seal them off as dangerous and bad, they never go away, instead they form what Harville and LaKelly call a “missing self” "Over time we deny our needs and replace them with defenses. Then when someone values us, we have to reject him or her. To let ourselves be cherished for who we really are would be to violate our parent's edict that we are flawed, and to arouse our fear that if we do, feel, or think certain things, we'll be neglected and abandoned--in the most primal sense, left to die. So to receive love is to risk death. This drama plays out because the part of our mind that holds the parental injunction is timeless-today is the same as yesterday. None of this is conscious, but the bottom line is that we reject love in order to stay alive"
Gee, after this weekend I have discovered a few things about myself. And like you when I read this quote, I too saw myself, knew all this but, reading the words brought it all to light.
Satn knows this is my greatest fear; to be abandoned. As soon as I would get a hint that my H, D's friends even leave a hint that they might abandon me I run and hide.
But, something has changed; I will never again be alone for the Lord is with me, along with my angels. So the fear is still there, but I'm going to leave those fears behind soon, for I'm on a new journey; a walk with the Lord!
As I tell people; you can go and sit in church, but that doesn't make you a follower. You have to have the Lord in your heart. Do you all understand? You can't just say I believe, you have to truely mean it deep inside. You can't say, I'm praying, you have to feel it inside.
Some pray for their spouse, period. And wonder why nothing is happening. Well, excuse me, but this is not just about getting your S back! This is walking in the path and doing what the Lord is telling you. Just following exactly what some one else does, doesn't mean you will get what they have.
We each have our own path, some of us are not listening to the Lord though. We do what we think is right, not what the Lord tells us. Or we are listening to well meaning others. Why? Did the Lord tell them what we should be doing?
I'm not praying and getting closer to the Lord to get my S back. Although, that is what the Lord has promised me.
In Luke 15 they talk about that one lost sheep. Well, I am that one lost sheep. I needed help, so I am getting closer to the Lord. Many of my prayers are being answered. And when they not answered right away, I'm patient, knowing that in His good time an answer will come to me.
This is all about our journey, to be where we need to be. We can pray for our S's, but we can't fix them. With the help of the Lord, they can be fixed. And our prayers are helping, believe me.
My D18 has been spending 2-3 nights every weekend with my H. The Lord directed me to a scripture, because I was upset about it. Now I'm not, because, this is where my D needs to be. She needs her father, but her father needs her more!
I can't tell you just how great our Lord is! I can't tell you how much I have grown lately! Thanks to Cathy and Laurie (Vinlad)! And most of all; my savior. For now He is my husband, until mine returns.
I'm standing, standing for my H's return. It doesn't matter if we end up D, I'm standing until I take my last breath!
