After I read Corri's post I began to think how I am also the "keeper" of the marriage, how H would just allow it to deteriorate, and I felt this wave of unappreciation come over me. In that mood, I decided talk to H about this ( I guess in PM terms I wanted other-validation)... J: How do you think things are going? H: I think they are going well. J: anything you want to get out? H: Not really, how about you? J: Well, you know I have made a lot of effort to make our marriage better...I guess I wish that you could tell me that you appreciate it. H: Things are better, but you have to remember that you were the one who had a problem with the way things were, so really, you did this for yourself ( Hank would have held me in his arms and told me how thankful he was to have a wife like me) J: That is true, but my actions had an effect on you H: I am happier, but I also made the choice to make changes, so you should appreciate me. J: I guess we should appreciate each other...but right now I guess I wanted to feel that from you. ( Hank would not only be declaring his appreciation, he would have a twinkle in his eye as he hugs and kisses me) Back to reality... H: Actually, I really didn't appreciate the fact that you would consider breaking up the family because you want some sexual fireworks J: Sexual fireworks was not what I was after H: Well that's what it feels like, you want more and more, and I am just not at that "lust " stage ( Hank would have lustful feelings for me) J: I had no interest in living like roommates...I wanted to feel sensual again H: Nods...I understand that...I I think we both want this to work, for the family and all...I hope we can( without that much confidence) J: yeah me too
Anyway, what I realized was that he was feeling just as unappreciated as I was. In his way, he feels he has made a lot of effort and I obviously sense he feels a lot of pressure.
I am sad because I have given up the dream that I have a partner who really feels aroused by me and is interested in having a hot sex life. The goal is now a good marriage as opposed to a great one, where both spouses are enthusiastic.
