Yah... that comment about being lucky to be loved by two wonderful men is pretty sickening! I'm glad that you read my post. I, too, found these very comforting - not just knowing you're not alone but also that you CAN do things that can help your situation.

Important lessons I have learned:
1 - Believe your gut - it knows the truth!
2 - Use your head - emotions WILL stear you in the wrong direction
3 - No matter what - be a friend (not a doormat) to your S
4 - Seek a good marriage counselor (for both of you if possible)
5 - Do not make demands too early but know your own limits
6 - Don't set ultimatums unless you really mean them
7 - Figure out what your S feels was missing in your R and try to change your behavior to meet those needs
8 - Look for the little signs that things are getting better (they will help you stay strong!)
9 - When you feel something good coming from your S, run with it (i.e. - He/She gives you a hug - Hug Him/her back with all your might)
10 - Seek advice from the people here - they know what you are going through
11 - Pray like crazy
12 - Believe that miracles do happen!!


The end of my story for now :
Things are going REALLY well. I'm working with the C on getting over my hurt and resentment. Still have a long way to go. I said that I feel like I have post traumatic stress disorder - weird flashbacks. I was in crisis mode for a while knowing that I had to remain calm and use my head and not my emotions to deal with this situation. Now, the emotional part has arrived!

My H and I had a really good conversation recently about MY feelings and the trauma I'm feeling. I needed to make him understand how bad I feel that the person I loved and trusted the most in the world lied to and deceived me. I cried a lot but we were able to get a lot of junk out on the table. Felt much better after that - knowing that he undersood that he almost lost everything important to him by behaving as he did; that in the end, it wasn't just him deciding where he wanted to be but, also ME deciding it was ok for him to be here. Also, talked about what HE could do to make me feel better about trusting.

Again, I have to say that MC is soooo helpful. It has made H understand why and how the A happened and what signs to look for in a "friendship" so that we don't go there again. I guess his healing process started quite a while before mine did so I'm a little further behind but that's ok.

We are in such a good place right now - it's just crazy. I really FEEL the LOVE! We have a long way to go to be where we want to be but are on such a fast ride in the right direction!