ILMH- Not to hijack Olives thread but my H never wanted anyone to know about the A either. I think that is key that its not really what they want. My husbands biggest fear was and still is that I cant get past the A and that someday I am just going to say I have had enough and walk away. I finally convinced him earlier on that that is not what I wanted and I wanted to get past it all and we could do it together. All that is good but it still doesnt make them get over OW as quickly as we would like. I remember reading something to the effect- Just like we cant turn on the trust switch right away, they cant turn off the feelings switch for the OW. My H felt very guilty that he let things go on as long as they did. He said in counseling one time..." I should of put the brakes on this thing after it became a fling because in the back of my mind I knew it wasnt what I wanted" So I know he felt bad about hurting the OW. His compassion is one of the things I love most about him.
