I also agree that you should work on the R right now and deal with the A issue later. Right now I'm at the point where H doesn't really know if he wants to stay but has agreed to TRY for the sake of the kids. But I think there's other things keeping him here that he just doesn't want to admit. He told me that NO ONE knew about the A and I know he really doesn't want anyone to find out. His family (his mom in particular) would ring his neck!!) I've been his mom's "other daughter" not just DIL for over 15 years. She's always looked out for me and wanted to be sure her son was treating ME right. And I think deep down he realizes that he committed to me 15 years ago. I think a lot of the anger he's showing me has to do with guilt too. He has never really said he was sorry, only said he "didn't do this to spite me." He has said things like "why couldn't you figure this out years ago" when I told him about all the changes I've made lately. I really have figured A LOT out and really wish I could turn back the hands of time, but I can't. I'm just hoping he's willing to give the "new me" or the "old, old me" the me he fell in love with and married, even more improved, a chance. But right now we don't talk about the A much. I'm concentrating on doing everything I can to get his love back. Then we can deal with the A issue and the trust issues later when we KNOW this is going to work and he's definitely going to stay. The only thing we really talk about now is whether or not he has had contact with her. So far I don't think he's had contact with her for almost a week. We're taking it one day at a time right now. That's what I suggest for you too. Nothing else you can do. And I'm extremely impatient by nature, so this is really hard for me!! I see VERY MINOR improvements each day. Last night he wasn't interested in S at all but he did let me snuggle with him most of the night. We have a king size bed, so it's easy for us to sleep without getting anywhere near the other person (and we're not big people). But he didn't move away from me at all. It felt SO GOOD to snuggle with him! Actually felt like he was MINE again, at least for a little while.
