Quote: I want him to meet me halfway. I am not expecting him to change his very nature. But I will not put up with him withholding, because we are then back to the power struggle. What he is trying to do right now is wrest control back from me (for he thinks I am in control) by telling me that he is doing the minimum we agreed on and if I ask for anything more, he will cry foul.
Dear Julie,
What makes you sure he is witholding? Granted, sometimes people will punish each other in this fashion, but the reality is usually much more banal, like he just doesn't think of you sexually.
Why did you bring up the past stuff? Was it an attempt to illustrate to him that you are sufficiently self aware of the bad things that you have done that you will not repeat those patterns? If so, good. Did you do it to cleanse your conscience? Well he probably doesn't care unless he is a priest. No, wait, his libido is too low for him to be a priest .
Why shouldn't he suspect your motives? You object that you only want him to meet you halfway, but this means he does have to change and you both know it. If I were you I would be alarmed that you have been miserable while he has been content with your marriage. It's the same marriage! !
Is he really so emotionally disconnected with you that your misery has no effect on him? How can you emotionally connect with him? Maybe if he can emotionally connect with you, change will make more sense for him.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
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