I have been thinking about your situation today. It sounds like this is a matter of pride to him. I think that he is intelligent enough that he understands what you are saying and how important it is to you, but he feels that by giving it to you, he would be giving in somehow.
It sounds like this is something that has been a issue for you for a long time, and was tied into the lack of sex earlier in your marriage. I can tell you that despite all the recent progress that (I think) I have made, I still have my moments when I get really pissed that I have to carry the burden for both of us on this, I have to be pleasant all the time, I have to pick up all the extra slack around the house, I have to examine the past and present and make amends, I have to rub his back every time he asks...and all this for what? So I can get laid once a week?
Wait, I know I had a point there somewhere. The point I'm trying to make is that your H still believes that you are SUPPOSED to want to have sex with him. He is harboring a lot of anger towards you for the past. He is very sensitive to this subject because he thinks like any HD - and you KNOW what a bunch of azzholes we are
For me, the one thing that always helps me calm down is thinking it through - according to Schnarch, what happens in all our marriages is inevitable. The only way to the future is to go through what we have gone through. If your H could grasp this, he might be able to deal with the past. I know you've tried to get him to read PM. Is there any chance that he would listen to you if you read out certain relevant passages? It might intrigue him enough to want to read more.
As long as he doesn't resolve this in his mind, he will continue to link your emotional needs with the rejection from the past and it is going to be very hard for him to meet them.
((((((((((Corri)))))))))))))))) I wish I could help more. There are days when I really start spiralling, and the thoughts you have expressed help me preserve my sanity. I hope this helps you some.
