Do you believe that, in every relationship, there is one person who is the caretaker of the R? I do.
I used to believe that it was the woman typically, but I have changed that tune since coming to this board.
I don't necessarily think that is such a bad thing. I wish it weren't so, boy, do I wish that. If my H showed half the enthusiasm and dedication to the preservation of this R as I do, I think we'd be on a whole different realm right now. But...he doesn't. I do it for both of us. Sometimes I force him to be more involved using humor, sometimes it is my anger, sometimes it is logic that gets him to move his arse. This used to really bother me until I realized that we tend to differentiate our roles in this marriage in all kinds of ways. In some areas, he is the caretaker; others I am. We each have strengths and weaknesses and we (usually and supposedly) employ these in ways that best serve the marital setup.
Is there a way that you can reconcile the fact that you are the caretaker without it becoming the wedge that drives you away from him?
One final question: What are some ACTIONS that your H could do to show you that he is committed?
I think, as women, we sometimes focus too much on emotions and feelings and want those expressed. My husband operates on a purely action-based format. If I gave him the choice right now between articulating his feelings for me and doing an action to 'prove' to me how much he loves me, you can guess which he'd choose.
So when you tell him what you need, are you including enough actions? Such as: "I want a half hour every day together where we talk and share a cup of coffee." It would be his job to make the coffee while you talk. I know this sounds simplistic and ridiculous, but when I tried to nail my H down into sitting on the couch with me at the end of every day for FIFTEEN FRICKIN MINUTES, it was a collossal failure. I wish now that I had chosen a more active and basic level thing to do together. The sit-down-and-connect-emotionally with me activity was horrible for him and, therefore, me.
I have spent a lot of time being resentful of this until it occurred to me one day that he doesn't operate like this with ANYONE. (well maybe in church, but I won't go there cause I am trying to stay positive and resentment-free )
So there is a need when dealing with our spouse to take into consideration what kind of person they are and come to a middle ground where he can be himself, while meeting my needs and I can have my needs met without feeling like I am giving up my integrity.
Good luck..this will take some sorting through but you are UP TO IT.
)