Next level?

[MJontheMend]

For me to respond to: "You need to do me," in a sexual way is, for me, emotional mercy sex from him. That line does NOTHING to fuel my love tank or my physical desire.

Here's a thought. Clearly one of the reasons that my H is responding better to me sexually is that I am more confident. Over the years he tried to tell me that I would get a better response if I was confident, but the more I was rejected the less confident I felt and the more I was rejected. I am going to give your H the benefit of the doubt and assume that he isn't a jerk for saying this to you. My hypothesis is that he is so afraid of rejection, he is afraid of making himself vulnerable by expressing himself in a more emotional manner. For him a "jerky" facade is a protective mechanism in the same way my timidity was for me. If he tries to get you to meet his sexual needs by acting like a jerk, when he is rejected he won't be hurt because you rejected the jerk he was pretending to be not the "real" him. On the other hand, if he opens himself up and tells you he loves you and lets you see just how important your desire is to him and you still reject him, he would be devastated.

The more you reject him sexually, the harder it is going to be for him to approach you in a way that makes him vulnerable. I know it would be hard for you to just keep having sex with him when he wants without getting the level of emotional connection that you need. Perhaps, you could signal him in another way that he would be safe to proceed in a more open manner. The next time he approaches you in such a IMO timid manner, why don't you take it up a notch in terms of EC. I know you won't feel like "doing" him, but why don't you just sit next to him and hold his hand or run your fingers through his hair or give him a hug. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is a jerk and he'll just push you away and repeat his request for some sexual servicing. But maybe I'm right and he just needs a safe place in which to expose his emotions.