Corri: I had a couple thoughts for you, but I don't know how much they will help.
First of all, when you PM'd your H and asked for more intimacy, what was the "or else" part of the equation? Did he take that seriously? IOW, what is his motivation--at this time--to meet your needs?
Secondly, if this is not second nature to him...and it doesn't sound like it is...does he have a clear idea what you are asking from him? I have NO doubt (lol) that you have given examples, etc, but does he know how to proceed?
I found with H that he had no idea where to start. I could give examples til the cows came home and it meant nothing to him. They weren't his ideas and they didn't feel right to him, so he resisted. I imagine that I would have resisted as well if he were giving me suggestions on how to better have a spiritual conversation with him. We ALL want acceptance from our mates and it is impossible to feel accepted when they are making "suggestions" on exactly how to proceed. I still do this with my H and I'll leave you one guess as to how many times he has taken me up on my suggestions.
For a brief time, we tried making it lighthearted and a sort of game. That is, we would give each other "homework". That way, the expectations were crystal clear (no ambiguities to fret over, etc). The only thing that wasn't clear was the date or time. For instance, one of my homework requests from him was that he make dinner for me one night. I figured this accomplished two things: Firstly I would find it romantic that he was cooking just for me; secondly I got a sick thrill out of seeing his sweating and stressed out face in the kitchen where I spend a good portion of my time. He loved this one! Totally rocked on it and the dinner was great. He even went above and beyond the call of duty and arranged for a babysitter for the time that we ate.
Do you think your H would go for something like this?
The idea was not that it would last forever, but rather to give us a starting point. To acclimate him to being and acting romantic and sexual and to acclimate me to easing into spiritual discussions. These two items, for us, had become SO charged that we couldn't pull it off easily without a certain degree of tension and the feeling that we were being "watched". The homework (knowing exactly what to do and really wanting to do it well, in order to best show your love) was a way to reconnect with each other.
I have to put this disclaimer in: The games didn't last long cause H totally crapped out on his second assignment and refused to play anymore because he felt it was too hard of a task. (I asked him to think of a love song that reminded him of me...I THOUGHT I was giving him an easy one b/c the previous one required cooking and grocery shopping, etc, but he actually had a terrible time with it and I stubbornly wouldn't let him out of it. So I lost the fun of the game and we no longer do it......but I proved a point, ha! )
Something like this might not work for you, or appeal to you, at all but my point was to get you thinking of creative ways to reconnect. The PM approach works very well in stating what you want from each other, but I do think it is seriously lacking in the loving aspects...I think that might be why Dave and his wife are having success with their PM counselor as well as reading a cheesy sex book together. Not every moment can be about laying it on the line.
Having said that, I will tell you from my own experience that saying and being intimate and romantic is VERY hard for me in the absence of ML. I don't know what your frequency has dropped to (or if it has dropped at all) but something about the "I will ML only if I feel like it" made my blood run chilly. For starters, it somehow seems contradictory to the PM philosophy (I can't exactly say how or why, I have tons of little kids here right now and I can't think straight) and secondly..
Oh [censored] H is home. I figured out why it is bothering me from a PM standpoint but will have to finish later.
)