Isn't depression a kicker? I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have been battling depression on and off since I was a kid--been suicidal at least three times in my life and actually planned my suicide one of those times, but didn't have the courage to carry it out, thank the Lord. I don't know if depression "runs" in my family, but having a mentally ill mother with a personality disorder and an abusive, alcoholic father most certainly contributed to my own depression.
I am still trying to figure out what has contributed to my H's depression. He had a normal childhood, very stable immediate and extended family relationships and was raised with strong Christian beliefs and morals. After an ugly incident in his church, he turned from a Christian life in his teens and became the black sheep of his family--sex, drugs, porn, and numerous women became what he lived for--his methods of self-medication for over 35 years. I suspect his leaving the church was the beginning of his struggles with depression, but then again, depression could have played a role in his leaving the church. I just had no idea that my H was suffering from depression until we went through all we have gone through in the past year. He hid it so well that even he didn't know he was depressed all these years. Depression is an insidious disease.
Yes, it is nice to see glimpses again of the person that I know my H is capable of being. I have hope that our marriage can continue to improve, instead of just remaining tolerable, as it has been for the past few months. Thanks for your post.
LG--relishing her H
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
BMOW received my care package of business inventory. She is not pleased. In fact, she is so not pleased that she won't even address it with my H, probably because she knows I have access to his email. Instead, she addressed it with one of the other business partners whose email I don't have access to. And the business partner most likely didn't forward the email because it is not a nice one and didn't want me or H to have to read it and be upset. Regardless, my H finally addressed this issue with me!
When my H came home for lunch today, he inquired if I had been mailing things to BMOW. I said I had forwarded things for the business as they came in the mail and I had recently sent her some inventory I had found while cleaning house and asked why. He then told me that she expressed to the other business partner that she feels that H and I are harrassing her by doing this.
Okaaaayyyyyyy.
My H then very nicely asked me to simply give him anything else in the future that I thought BMOW should have and he would pass it on to her through one of the other business partners. Then he grinned at me and said that BMOW has announced that she is seriously considering leaving the business after the Christmas buying season is over!! Then he grinned at me again! I am not sure if he was grinning at my fortitude or BMOW's announcement or both, or if he simply had gas, but he WAS grinning when he said that.
Well, I shall respect my H's request to stop directly sending her things. Perhaps sending the box of excess inventory was a bit overboard. However, I have made my boundary known to both H and BMOW and it is time to be still again and let the Lord do His work.
LG--
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
Quote: I am not sure if he was grinning at my fortitude or BMOW's announcement or both, or if he simply had gas,
LOL!!!
And poor, harassed BMOW - gee, being reminded that H has a WIFE and he is with HER - guess that reality check might feel like harassment to her, huh? Tough!!
I hope to be in your position some day. Sending a clear message to my W's OP that my W and I belong together! And say "fack you" in the process.
I will NEVER, NEVER understand how OPs can feel entitled to kidnapping our spouses by interfering with our M and tearing up our families asunder! They need to be put in their places very firmly.
Ask H if you can forward stuff to a BP instead of BMOW, to keep H from being directly involved. I don't think H should be completely out of the loop, but if you can help it, H should not have direct responsiblity keeping him involved in the business, at least until BMOW leaves.
I know you can't keep him away from the business, but somehow I think you need to reinforce your roll as his new "business" partner and any future involvement in the business should be a joint venture.
*Why do I have an image of springy snakes, like the ones that pop out of trick cans of "Nuts", exploding from the package you sent BMOW when she opened it?
Quote: *Why do I have an image of springy snakes, like the ones that pop out of trick cans of "Nuts", exploding from the package you sent BMOW when she opened it?
Ask H if you can forward stuff to a BP instead of BMOW, to keep H from being directly involved. I don't think H should be completely out of the loop, but if you can help it, H should not have direct responsiblity keeping him involved in the business, at least until BMOW leaves.
plk
This is a great idea, I second it! LG can simply send things on to one of the business partners, to be forwarded in whatever manner is deemed appropriate. LG's H has way too much on his mind to be bothered with loose ends from a business with which he is no longer associated.... so LG would be doing him a favor to take care of the remaining administrivia.
Oh, and LG, I was not worried you'd done anything awful to your hair-- but I liked it the way it was too.
I do think it's interesting that the ADs are having such a fast impact. Scientifically, of course it's not possible-- since it takes a couple weeks for them to "kick in". But the fact that there is immediate improvement, even if it's technically a placebo affect, is a big positive indication that he WANTS to feel better.
Quote: do think it's interesting that the ADs are having such a fast impact. Scientifically, of course it's not possible-- since it takes a couple weeks for them to "kick in".
Actually, this isn't true. While it IS true that they MAY take up to two weeks to start taking effect, and we advise patients of that so they will be patient - I have had many, many patients who clearly started to respond within the first three days to the SSRIs. That is one of their advantages over the older drugs - their rapid onset .
Quote: While it IS true that they MAY take up to two weeks to start taking effect, and we advise patients of that so they will be patient - I have had many, many patients who clearly started to respond within the first three days to the SSRIs. That is one of their advantages over the older drugs - their rapid onset .
Ellie
Oh! I did not know that. I was on Prozac for quite a while and had been warned to be patient as it would take two weeks. (and in my case, it did)
Thanks for the info. Now I wonder how ethical it would be to slip some in my friends morning coffee? He steadfastly refuses AD's and I sure wish he'd be more open minded.
My goodness!!! I had no idea my post would generate such a response!
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Ellie--(or should that be Dr. Ellie?) I cannot fathom what BMOW is thinking when she labels my forwarding of mail to the business in care of her as business manager, as harrassment!
I thought I was doing her a small favor forwarding the business mail to her (oh, ok, yes there was a second motive to my madness), but my question to BMOW is why is there ANY mail for the business coming to our HOME address ANYWAY??? Interestingly, that seems to have stopped now. Hmmmmmmm.
I wonder how BMOW would have responded to receiving the box of inventory packed in shreds of the cards and love notes she gave my H? (I ashamedly admit I entertained that thought for a period of time, but ended up throwing out the shredded cards.) Would that have been perceived as a threat of some sort to her instead of harrassment? Probably. -------------------------------------------
Wonka--thank you for your support. I don't think BMOW actually felt "entitled" to my H, nor did she kidnap him. He went willingly to her when he felt that I was unable/unwilling to acknowledge the problems in our M. The WA spouses and the OP's experience reality differently than us LBS' and thus require an incredible amount of compassion and understanding, as hard and unfair as that may seem.
It actually was a bit difficult for me to forward the mail and inventory to BMOW, because I knew it would cause her pain and I was concerned that she might go ballistic when forced to face my reality, but I felt that it was time to *really* establish that boundary with her since I couldn't rely on my H to do so.
I know you are fairly new to all this, Wonka, and I have felt your pain. Still do some days. I will pray that you are in my position one day too! ---------------------------------------------
plk--brilliant as usual! Since reading your post, I have been toying with the idea of simply collecting any business mail or other inventory in a box for a period of time and then just taking it myself directly to the BP that has the most contact with BMOW, thus leaving H out of that loop.
I wonder though if doing it that way might negatively affect my H regarding our trust issues. Shouldn't I be working on trusting H to take the items to the BP? If I circumvent H, how will that cause him to feel, especially since he has now expressly asked me to give him any business items and he will take them to the BP to take to BMOW.
Your wise input (or anyone else's) on this would be appreciated.
I did laugh outloud at your springing snakes scenario! No, I didn't pack any surprises like that for her to discover, but I am sure seeing this stuff arrive and addressed in my handwriting caused her to feel the same sick feeling as a surprise snake popping out of a can would!! --------------------------------------------------
SC--I wondered who might post something about the "placebo effect" and the ADs! You win the prize! I'll find something for you.
In my case, when I take the drug Zoloft, upon starting it, I can feel it's effects within 24 hours or less. It is incredible. My response to this AD really intrigues my doctor. It is the only one that I respond to in this fashion. I have tried Effexor and Welbutrin and neither had the same effect on me. Thus Zoloft is my AD of choice. The only thing I don't care for about it is it plays real havoc with me achieving a climax during .
And, Ellie, in case you were going to weigh in on that, I am already on the lowest dose. I have also taken Welbutrin in combination with the Zoloft, which helped tremendously in the department, but the two drugs together exacerbated the sleeplessness side effect. Right now, ML is a moot point with H, so I am happy with just the Zoloft.
My H, on the other hand, has tried Levapro, Effexor and Welbutrin. He has the least side effects on the lowest dose of Welbutrin, so that is what he is taking right now. And "placebo effect" or not, H feels better than I have seen him feeling in a long time and he is also aware of it. THAT is what is important!! ---------------------------------
Thanks to all who posted! I had a nice giggle.
Blessings, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
This is a great idea, I second it! LG can simply send things on to one of the business partners, to be forwarded in whatever manner is deemed appropriate. LG's H has way too much on his mind to be bothered with loose ends from a business with which he is no longer associated.... so LG would be doing him a favor to take care of the remaining administrivia.
.