So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

I guess even when my H is away, I am still unable to escape his drama. Last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a long time. My H did not call me at the usual appointed time from his out-of-town meeting. I fell asleep waiting for his call, which finally came well after 1 am.

His call came so late because he had spent the evening with his XW at a mixer and then they went to dinner alone together. He said he allowed her to pay for the meal as she wanted to treat him.

I had actually awakened a few minutes before he called me and was laying in bed contemplating calling him and debating the reasons for doing so. The last time he traveled without me, it was with BMOW and when he didn't call the last night of their "business" trip together, they had been to dinner and then were having sex back in the room, so he forgot to call as he was so "busy". I wasn't sure how I would take interrupting anything going on similar to that last night with XW or someone else. Another time when he was away with BMOW and it was incredibly late, I DID call to check on him and that was the first time I got to deal with his angry man side protecting his lover. Not fun!

BMOW is not with him on this trip, but his XW is there, so I was wrestling with these memories and had just about decided to give him a call when the phone rang and H shared that he was sorry to call so late, but he had spent the evening with his XW, and he would probably call me again about this same time tonight. He was too tired really to talk so the call was brief. He mentioned that everyone seemed to think that he was doing much better emotionally this year at this meeting than he was last year. I would imagine last year he was depressed because I had just discovered the affair with BMOW and his secret, exciting life was now over, but he had no idea yet that I had moved out of the house as a result of the affair discovery. I left that for him to discover when he arrived home.

Anyway, after the phone call, I was awake for hours, not really sure what feelings I was dealing with. I still have much contemplation to do, although, I am sensing an incredible lack of respect toward me in a number of areas. I apologize if this has been apparent to my lurkers and I have frustrated you as I slowly came to this conclusion. Now I must determine what I can do to regain his respect for me, because seemingly what I have been doing apparently isn't working.

Right now, my immediate goal however, is to pamper myself a bit, so I am off to the salon for a hair makeover.

LG