So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

plk!!!! I missed your wisdom sooooo much!!!! Ignoring the circumstances, it is good to hear from you again.

Have you shared with H your revelation about H's R with BMOW being based on AFF?

Sadly, no. A few months ago when I discovered the fact that there actually were several OW (based on charges I found on his cc statements as I shredded them--they were before and after his stint with BMOW), I confronted him about them one day when he came home for lunch. He completely lost it and I was treated to a lecture about how if I was going to dwell on the past and snoop, I could pack my bags and leave right then. There were MANY things he did that he said he is not proud of when he thought our M was over and he doesn't want to go back there and discuss/reveal detail with/to me. Essentially this tells me he probably did some really raunchy stuff trying to recapture his youth during his MLC trip. When I was cleaning up cookies and temporary internet files off our computers, it disgusted me the number of sex and swinging websites he visited. I'm sure he went as far as actually doing the FMF swinging, because that has always been his fantasy and the subject of all his porno. I just wonder if BMOW was his swinging partner. I trust I will have all the answers some day.

Anyway, he said to leave the past in the past. I do intend to let him know that I have put two and two together. When I will do this is up to the Lord's timing. My gut instinct is that now is NOT the time.

My W has indirectly admitted she may have a sexual addiction, and is practicing abstinence as a form of control. She has decided it is better for her to have no activity than to "give in" to me and risk stimulating a desire to pursue her unhealthy sexual relationship with OM.

Do you think it is possible H is trying to get control of his own sexual addictions?

Yes, this is it in a nutshell!! And I really didn't understand this until one of our discussions just yesterday. He told me that because it seemed that sex and everything involved with it had really done nothing but seemingly cause him pain and trouble of one sort or another all his life, he was having a hard time dealing with a sexual R with me right now. He said he was having to work through a lot of things and it was especially hard for him with me being a Christian now. He feels that he has to re-wire his thinking about sex and sex with me to be able to re-engage with me on this type of intimate level.

Also, it is possible that he has an STD. I finally put my foot down this afternoon and insisted that he see a doctor and have the full gamet of tests run. He agreed to call tomorrow and make an appointment. I think he has refused to see a doctor yet because he doesn't want to deal with the reality of having it confirmed that he has acquired herpes or the like from all this--just more guilt piled on him from his poor decisions.

I'm confused, if H gave away all his stock in the .dom company, how does he expect to enjoy the financial benefits from the company IF it is successful?

H believes that if the company proves successful that BMOW and the other partners will allow him to BUY back stock for some minimal amount, like a penny per stock. I have no idea how all that really works, but those are his plans.

Forgive my ignorance of MLC, but shouldn't H purge himself of EVERYTHING that reminds him of/ keeps him in this stage of his life?

Yes. In fact our counselor stressed this point, but H left it to me to do, knowing full well what I would discover. I guess it was a test for me.

Purging is something he has to decide to do, and it appears that although he is benefiting from your shredding (I have a LOL image of you maniacally laughing with tiny chips of paper filling the air around you as you gleefully jam huge stacks of paper into a tiny wastebasket sized home shredder), that he may be waffling between gratitude for your help, and resentment of you forcing him to accept reality.

First of all, your description of me shredding was very apt!! And yes, my H is STILL not ready to accept responsibility for and the reality of his past actions, but we are getting closer to the day when that will happen. Yes, patience is the key.

Thanks, plk. I'll be by your thread soon.

Blessings,
LG