So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

Hello Ellen,

I found your thread and will read through it soon. I am sorry to learn that your H's OW was from the church.

Well, my last few days have had their ups and downs.

Sunday night I had the opportunity to have a major crying jag. I woke up disoriented after falling asleep after dinner on the sofa and the music playing on the stereo triggered the release of some pent up feelings in me. Fortunately my H was in another room reading and I made it safely to the bathroom to have a good cry. Unfortunately when I came to bed, my eyes were red and swollen and I had a stuffy nose, so my H knew what I had been doing. He didn't press me for info though. He showed some concern and gave me a hug and that was the end of that.

My H was out of town on business Monday and Tuesday. I was able to check his email while he was gone and I found a personal email from BMOW that he hadn't seen yet where she was asking him for help with a computer problem.

...I normally wouldn't bother you with something like this but I have searched, looked and asked to no avail. Your help with this would be greatly appreciated,...

I must disagree with her. Her "fiance" is supposedly a computer geek, if there really is a "fiance". I just can't believe that he cannot help her with her request.

So, I simply deleted the email. I have had enough of all this. I guess I'll find out if anything comes of it. I am way past caring. H and BMOW both continue to violate boundaries set upon his and my reconciliation and it is time I enforced them again. At the least, if he learns of the deletion, I hope it prompts a good healthy discussion between the two of us.

Last night, my H was an invited speaker again and gave a presentation to a local group here in town. It lasted until late, so H and I went out to dinner afterward. Several times it became very uncomfortable for me because of derogatory things my H said to me about me. He acted as if he was joking and it was all ha ha very funny (only to him apparently), and after the last "joke" I gave him a look that told him that was enough.

The last joking comment he made was, "I miss being able to sit here and eat chips and hot sauce before our meal comes." (He is on a strict diet because of his diabetes and blood sugar being all out of whack.) I said cheerily, "You get to talk to me instead!" He looked at me and oh so seriously and straight-faced said, "I'm gonna need a stiff drink, then."

Now, you may be thinking that I may well be overly sensitive because that does seem to be a cute little joke. And yes, I actually see the positive in this with him feeling comfortable enough to actually joke that way, out loud, with me. However, I am not going to put up with disrespect like that from him or anyone else, joking or not.

So, I looked at him in a way that told him to stop behaving that way, that I had had enough of his comments. He offered a lame, "I really was only joking" and we moved on to another discussion. In the back of my mind though, I had a weird thought that if this had been a date between us before we were married and he had behaved like that, he would have never seen me for another date. In fact, it made me feel so uncomfortable that I would have probably called an early evening to that pre-marriage "date," thinking he was a total loser.

I think I am slowly getting in touch with the girl that I let get buried somewhere inside me over ther years, the girl that I believe he respected at one time. Now if I can find the girl in me that he once adored and desired, things between us will be looking up again.

Tonight we have another date. I guess because we are already married, I'll give him another chance. H is taking me on a dinner cruise on a local lake to see the eclipse of the full moon. Well, if he doesn't behave, I guess I'll get the opportunity to do some more DBing on him.

LG--lost girl still finding herself