So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

Hi E. (can I call you E.? ),

I am really hoping that when my H last went to AFF that it was to delete his profile, but we shall see. If he leaves the cookie on his machine (he knows how to cover his tracks), it will update every time he visits. My H *has* to be frugal now, because we have filed bankruptcy and I know where *every* penny is being spent, so if he is still part of these websites, it's gonna have to be the very limited free version! No more gold member status for him!!! Hahahahaha!! And I have a feeling that him having simply a free version membership at these sites will NOT leave a good impression with the ladies.

Yes, waiting and watching is the best route I have learned to take. If my H is going to choose to sink himself again in this manner, then he can do it all on his own, without my help. I have many other obligations to deal with instead of worry about him and his juvenile antics! I shall leave him to the Lord to deal with.

Speaking of other obligations, I spent yesterday decorating the church for a mother/daughter high tea we are having today. It is going to be great! We have a wonderful speaker and lots of excellent tea, goodies and fellowship planned this afternoon. After that, my H has mentioned he might like us to visit a local vineyard that is having a grand opening today. A little wine tasting to end the day on a relaxing note might be quite enjoyable.

Anyway, E., have you started your own thread in a forum somewhere where we can read about your bomb and situation and offer any advice to you, or simply to commiserate?

He says only as much as he needs to. He's never apologized to me, in the 26 years we've been together, that I can remember. He's never been wrong, that he will say out loud. I'm still just watching and waiting. I hope someday I can start getting something back out of this R other than apparent good behavior. Is that asking for the moon?

Yes, my H still very much blames me completely for our problems and his A and I would imagine also the need for him to go to these certain websites to get attention.

I am now giving him the type of attention that he has claimed he has wanted all along from me and what am I receiving in return? Rebuff. No intimacy. No romance. We are living platonically while I guess I wait for him to decide if this is the kind of attention he wanted from me after all. Yes, I am getting good behavior now too (he's home all the time, accounts for any time away from home, remains accessible to me at all times, is accountable to me in a variety of other ways, doesn't spend hours on-line in my presence, supposedly has cut off personal contact with his girlfriend(s), supposedly has eliminated porn from his life, etc.), and I don't think wanting something a little more than that is asking for the moon at all!!!!! As long as it is *positive* behavior--I am right there with you on that. So I wait and be still.

Let me know where your thread is or where you start one, ok, E.?

Have a blessed day!,
LG

PS. One last thing,...I don't believe God is "testing" me,...He is refining me into a much, much better and stronger person! And I love the new me!!! HE does such wonderful work and I pray for Him to do the same for my H.