So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

Hi stillgrowing,

I had hoped to keep the innocent innocent from learning the name of that trash, but well,...yes, that is what the AFF stands for.

I have seen no references anywhere to the other website you mention regarding my H's participation, thank goodness.

How in the world were you able to find your H's profile on AFF and the other websites of this nature he participated in? Did he leave it for you to find in the history of his computer or did you log his keystrokes?

My H and I discussed his ongoing participation on these websites when we first reconciled. He knew that he was going to have to let them go. For awhile I had to tolerate these women calling him at home and on his cell as we worked on reconciliation. It was hard for me. The phone calls have stopped unless they still call him at work. I really wouldn't know if they do still. His chatting with a lot of them off and on during the day at work continued for awhile also, which I think may have slowed down or may have even stopped. His rear is on the line at work because he slacked off for 18+ months and he will be up for promotion soon, but who knows?? Only him and the Lord.

Thank you for reminding me about using my cc numbers or giving out personal info. I can't use my cc's anyway until our bankruptcy is settled, so that is a moot point really, but I will try to remember this for the future. I think my H is convinced also that my/our computers are being monitored. He wants to get a new bank account with a debit card where there will only be a small amount of money kept at any time for future online purchases. Fine, whatever. I will also mull over your suggestion of not extending my credit to him. Well, he didn't want it anyway. So I think that is actually settled.

I don't think that our H's think that we are dummies, I think they can be so self-centered, they don't really care what we think about much of anything that they are doing!! They just don't want to face reality and will say whatever they can to justify their actions and keep reality at bay.

Well, now my musings are taking a different turn. My H has kept BMOW in his life thus far, even if it is in a minor role. He will not block her emails or close the business to get rid of her, but as far as I know, he also has not seen her since April 5 when they broke up. He has told me over and over again that he needs to protect me from her because she hates me so much. Another DBer (thanks SC) pointed out to me that my H saying that BMOW "hated" me so much implies that she had to at some point care enough about me to have her "feelings" for me turn to hate. She never knew me well enough to be able to develop any feelings at all for me, so how can she hate me?? Another lie on his part. Most likely she is simply indifferent toward me. Anyway, it appears this is all a smoke screen to hide something my H desperately doesn't want me to know about himself that BMOW DOES know and would LOVE to tell me, if given a reason.

So, my new musing is to answer the question of WHY does he need to protect me from her? What deep, dark secret might she reveal to me about him if provoked into doing something she wouldn't like to do--like leave the business and his life forever? I'm beginning to wonder about blackmail of some sort. I'm learning to go with my niggling, questioning feelings and see where they take me. It may take me awhile to get an answer to this new musing, but I have plenty of faith that I will learn the answer according to God's will, His way and in His time. I shall be still, yet will continue to ponder this.

I also wonder if he fears what his other business partners would think if they knew that their current business manager was selected from a pool of girls on AFF?

It is late and I am tired. Whew, what a day this has been! My H is behind me playing a game on his computer. I don't really care anymore if he finds this website and reads my postings. That scares me a little because the opposite of love is hate, but when a feeling of indifference is reached are you past the point of no return? Perhaps I have merely reached an extreme of being very lovingly detached.

LG--choosing getting BETTER over remaining BITTER