So this is piecing...

[2ndChances]

Aw LG... I'm sorry.

Have you decided what you want to do about this? (I would not rush into anything, take some time for reflection and prayer.... no matter how "big" this news seems, you don't want to act in haste.)

((((((LG))))))

[trustinginHim]

Hi SC,

Last night before I fell asleep, and after the news from my H, I did reflect and pray a little bit about it all and decided that I am most at peace and comforted by just being still. I intend to read/pray psalm 37 over and over, act "as if" and let the Lord take care of everything with my H, BMOW, the business and our marriage.

When I let things get to me, I focus on/become obsessed about negative thoughts and that is not good or productive for me. I still really don't know what my H wants from me or our marriage, but for now I am content to wait on the Lord and see what His plans are for me.

Sorry that I haven't gotten around to emailing you yet, but it is on my agenda. This past week has been kind of crazy for me. I hope things are going well for you and your SO.

Thanks for checking on me today.

LG

[trustinginHim]

Being still has begun to bless me! Thank You, Lord.

This morning when I came home from church, my H was out of bed, showered and dressed (not at all typical for him on the weekend), had cleaned the kitchen (the sink is shining and spotless) and done all the dishes (mainly my duty as housewife), had the Sunday papers layed out and ready for me to read (usually left in a messy pile somewhere), had opened up the house to the cool fall breezes, had lit candles for me, and fixed me an early lunch!

When I was comfortably settled in my recliner, happily munching my lunch and reading the paper, he made the offhand comment that he probably should take on more of the cooking duties, instead of leaving them all to me.

Wow. Impression made and accepted, Lord. Again, I thank You.

LG--now a sound proponent of being still, trusting and waiting on the Lord, her ABBA Father.

[trustinginHim]

Well, geez.

My H just forwarded me an email that he responded to BMOW in this morning.

It seems that BMOW has now promoted her new "fiance" to head of the Sales and Marketing department of the business. (Can you actually have a fiance if you are still married to someone else? ) My H simply ignored this new "employee" designation, at least in his email response.

This is all getting so weird for me.

I think I will go scrub out my microwave while I continue to be still.

LG

[love_endures4ever]

LG,

This is all getting so weird for me.

Ditto

Cathy

[2ndChances]

[quote This is all getting so weird for me.

I think I will go scrub out my microwave while I continue to be still.

LG

---

Yeah, this is gonna win a Pulitzer for weirdness. If you get tired of scrubbing, you can come clean and be still at my house

PS, I think BMOW is advertising for trouble, by having a fiance and a husband. If she really does marry the fiance without divorcing the husband, then the B will stand for bigamist.... Does her husband know she has a fiance? (My wasband was pretty tolerant of things I wanted to do, but I think he might have objected to my having a fiance!)

Hang in there!

[trustinginHim]

Hi there SC,

Thanks for the invite to your house, even if it involves my scrubbing your microwave out! Hahahahaha! Which speaking of microwaves, mine is spotless!! Very clever of you to point out the B could = bigamist at some point in the future for BMOW.

I think she is calling her new adulterous lover a "fiance" in an effort to justify to others the relationship. And I have no idea what her H is thinking or feeling or knows or cares about all this. All I do know is that BMOW moved out of the house and away from her H and her two girls sometime this summer.

I was reading some info on ivillage.com today and the following is a question about sexless love a woman had for a counselor:

My boyfriend and I live together. We do everything together, except have sex. We've talked about sex, but he doesn't seem to be interested. There is a substantial age difference between us, but he says that is not the problem. He has trouble with intimacy and seems to enjoy masturbation more than sex. I just don't get it. He isn't gay and isn't seeing anyone else. What do I do? --D

Dear D:

I am equally confused. So, let's explore this dilemma. It appears at first blush that you two are an item. Yet, as you describe your relationship, it appears to be more like a brother-sister dynamic than a sexual one. Often, if there is ambivalence about intimacy, one member of the couple shuts down the sexual aspects for self-protection. I suspect that your boyfriend, whom you already know to be averse to intimacy, is sending you a loud, clear message to stay away from his heart.

I find that working with men is different from women, as many men need to become intimate sexually before they can open up their emotional channels; whereas many women need to feel that emotional closeness before sharing their sexuality. In not having sex with you, your boyfriend may be trying to avoid sharing his heart with you … or with anyone else. I get the sense that he feels safe with you in this platonic relationship, which may or may not ever change. The fact that he masturbates tells me that he does have a sex drive -- you're just not on the roadmap.

What's more important is that this is your life, too. What do you want for the rest of your life? Is this the man for the long-term? Perhaps he is -- if you can be sustained by a pals-only relationship. Despite the statistics showing that most couples consider their friendship to be more important than the time they spend in the sack together, having a relationship in which one partner wants sex and the other doesn't is a painful place to live. Right now it sounds like your needs are not being met sexually, although your friendship is flourishing. So, think well before walking out the door or signing a pre-nup with this guy. I hope you can have a heart-to-heart talk with him soon to determine the breadth and flavor of his intentions and his capacity for true love before you suffer any more.

Well, that is certainly food for thought. The counselor's response DOES support my H's recent admission that he is afraid of being vulnerable right now and getting closer sexually to me. I have no idea though if my H does the MB thing, or how often.

I think my H may be opening the intimacy door a crack though. Yesterday he asked me to come help him a bit in his workshop (read as his "cave"). When we got inside he closed and latched the door, took me in his arms while laughing and said that actually he had really just wanted to be alone with me! Then he gave me a big hug and kiss. What you have to understand is that we are alone in the house all the time too--it is just always us anyway. So he was playing with me, and there really was something he needed my help with in the shop, but he took the time to tease me a little first.

Well, I see it as a bit of progress.

LG--remaining very, very still.

[trustinginHim]

On the eve of the one year anniversary of my bomb, strange things are happening.

Today BMOW cc'ed me on two emails she sent to my H.

It was rather shocking to see emails from her in one of my hotmail accounts, but there they were to greet me this afternoon. Interestingly, my H freaked big time.

I had been checking my hotmail account when he messaged me after lunch to bring him a pair of his glasses he needed at work. I decided that I wouldn't say anything to him about the emails to me from her. I thought I would let him bring it up when he felt he needed to. When I got there, he walked me back outside to my vehicle, not saying anything, but apparently was very upset.

He started by telling me that he had just received two emails from BMOW and that he saw that they had been cc'ed to one of my hotmail accounts--an account she shouldn't have any knowledge of--it is not even in my name.

Now, the emails were totally business, nothing out of the ordinary, I just happened to be cc'ed on them.

So my H, as I said, was freakin'. He went on about how she must have somehow gotten her computer wizard boyfriend/fiance to show her how to hack into our accounts (He can't see why her boyfriend would be interested in hacking on his own and neither can I). MY offered explanation was simply that when he cc'ed me on his last email to her yesterday afternoon, he didn't make the cc invisible to her and when she replied to his email, it was cc'ed back to me automatically. The catch is, her reply is separate from his original email to her and me, unless she deleted from her reply the entire body of the previous email he sent her.

He pooh-poohed my explanation (what--HIM make a simple mistake like not hiding the cc?)and I was sent back home with explicit instructions to change ALL the passwords on EVERY internet account I could think of that we have to let her know that we were aware that she had gained access to our accounts again and were having NONE of it. (Yes--that continues to mean that she may be aware of this website and my postings.) So that is what I have done all afternoon and it is a very tedious process.

While I was changing all our passwords, H and I were text messaging to each other and in the middle of it, I was knocked off-line twice! A little pop-up window told me that I had been taken offline at my current computer because I was now signed in on another computer/device at another location!! THAT freaked ME out and PO'ed my H even more!!!!!!!!!!! SO there could be some truth in what he thinks has happened.

h: Hi - did you understand what I need you to do this afternoon?

h: Change all the internet passwords, including your personal email, and all email accounts at both Yahoo and Hotmail. Consider closing some accounts.

h: I feel sure she knows the 'XXXXXXXX' password and has read your emails. When she tries again she will realize that she has been intercepted.

h: in fact, if you don't use that hotmail account for much anymore, you might consider closing it so that any messages she forwards to it will bounce.

h: Also change all your messenger passwords - they ought to change with the email account, but you may not have email accounts with all of them. Be sure there is no more XXXXXX password in anything.

h: Change both our ebay passwords and both our paypal passwords. Use something serious.

h: we'll get this over and done with.

lost_girl: yes, I know that we will ultimately get past this. Can you help me with the ebay/paypal pwords? I always forget the last four digits.

This was when I got the first pop-up that I just had logged in elsewhere.

h: Are you there?

h: I just saw your account flicker

lost_girl: yes--I just got a message saying that I had been signed out because I had signed in at another computer.

lost_girl: BMOW?

h: crap...

h: is the pword for this one XXXXXXXX?

lost_girl: sorry, yep

h: did you get that list of instructions I sent?

lost_girl: yes I did.

h: If that was her that signed in, and it probably was, then she now knows about this IM account that I am using. I am tempted to scrap it and use another.

h: yeah, why don't we just junk both of these accounts and try some more tonight? I never liked the names on either of them anyway

lost_girl: works for me!

h: use some good random passwords

h: ok I need to sign off and get some work done.

lost_girl: no prob!!

lost_girl: have fun!!!

h: good girl. OK, I am going to run along now. Just remember to change everything!!

lost_girl: yes dear!! I love you!!!!

There is a pause and then:

h: are you really typing something? it says you are over here?????

I am doing nothing and on his end it shows I am supposedly typing him a message.

h: hello?

h: It just shows you were typing over here.

I am finally able to type again:

lost_girl: Uh, nope, it wasn't me. I think it is time we logged off.

Strange huh?

There were several positives in all this. My H is absolutely furious that she continues to harrass us, if that is the case. I think he is really regretting allowing her to remain as his business manager. He spent a lot of time reassuring me that we would get past this too and that he was now so ready for her to be completely out of our life in all ways. I don't know how he is going to get rid of her now, but that is his call--I will remain still and be blessed.

All in all, this has been a very strange afternoon. On another interesting note, my H has continued to receive more harrassing collection calls at his day job regarding unpaid bills for the business with BMOW. That, I am sure, further irritated him about her. I, on the other hand, am remaining cool, calm, collected, upbeat, and STILL.

LG--Praising the Lord for blessing her for being still.

[trustinginHim]

Well, the day has arrived. I have always wondered how I would get through the first anniversary of my bomb and I think because I have let go and let God, today will continue to be a great day.

My H had an "A HA" moment last night. We talked briefly about the day's happenings when he got home from work and he actually verbalized a few comments regarding his behavior of the past year or so along the lines of "Doh!!!!! What was I thinking, getting involved with BMOW???"

This morning after breakfast, he took me into his arms and asked me, "This is going to work for us, isn't it?"



It was really more of a rhetorical question on his part, because it IS working for us, and it really began as soon as I was still and let go for the Lord to do His work.

H and I then spent the day together, shopping for fall plants. We came home and had a late lunch, watched his Saturday afternoon shows, and will shortly go install the plants in the yard. It is cool enough that I think I will light a fire in the outdoor fireplace for us to enjoy while we work in the yard together this afternoon and evening.

Thank You Lord for the best first bomb anniversary I could hope for!

LG--learning to be Your faithful, still servant.

[stillgrowing]

You might want to make sure someone hasn't remotely installed eBlaster on your computer. You can do a Google search on eblaster and spyware, and one or 2 of the sites can tell you what to look for.

This is really scarey.

E.