So this is piecing...

[trustinginHim]

Boy was yesterday afternoon and evening bad for me.

My H's OW, BMOW, remains as his internet business manager. <sigh> She is ONLY supposed to contact my H regarding matters of the internet business and she is supposed to cc his other two business partners on every communication. All parties understood that there would be NO personal communication whatsoever.

Well, BMOW violated that immediately after my H "broke up" with her last April. My H provided me with his business email password so that I could log in and see all her correspondence to him, business and personal. My H and I discussed everything she sent him. As far as I know, he NEVER has responded to anything personal that she sent that I read. Every now and then she sends a sarcastic email to my H regarding his lack of communication to her.

She sent the following earlier this week:

I heard back from one of the business partners, but heard nothing from you about anything else... Are we back in non-communication mode again? If so, no worries on this end. LG's thoughts: If no worries, why even send this email?? I won't bother to send you anymore updates or questions... I'm just here taking care of the business, if you'd like to respond that's fine too. It is frustrating on my end of things to get non-consistent responsiveness, one week your responsive, the next not. I don't have time for this.... You have time for this email! I need to be able to move on regarding business decisions with reliable consistent information.

Emails like this from her reinforce my belief in my H's non-communication mode with her, for the most part. In fact, her business and personal communication has slowly ebbed to almost zilch over the summer, I believe due in part to her moving on to ANOTHER man, even though she is married and has two little girls. Sometimes though, I wonder if these are a cover up--I just don't know any more.


Well, what miffed me a little was that my H responded immediately to her:

Hello BMOW - I am sorry for the slow response. I have been dealing with personal problems as well as the end of year demands of the day job. Doing the one armed fiddler routine and not too well. I do read your updates and appreciate them, as well as the other business partners.

Is this type of response *really* appropriate on my H's part? Or do you see it as just simple, harmless chit chat? Regardless of what it is, it bothers me, and I think my feelings about it should be validated by my H.

Anyway, yesterday BMOW included my H in a mass emailing of an innocuous email. She has done this from time to time and I usually delete them before my H sees them. Doing that gave me a little control over the situation. I see this as continuing to violate the "no personal contact" agreement, and my patience is wearing thin. So I decided to bring it up to H so we could discuss it. He was at work, so I IMed him.

lost_girl: Hi! Got your email of your reply to BMOW. Thanks.

h: :-)

lost_girl: I see that she continues to send personal ones too.

h: Well, as part of a mass mailing.

lost_girl: To me, that is irrelevant.

h: Resistance is futile.

lost_girl: blocked personal email addresses are not.

h: no, just antagonistic and we dont really want that right now. more the fade away sort of approach.

lost_girl: she sends you at least one personal one a month. Usually I get to them and delete them. It is not fading away.

h: oh - I didnt know that.

lost_girl: they are usually innocuous like this one today was, or they can be insulting to me. But it remains to be a right she thinks she still has, even after your breakup.

h: ? she sends stuff insulting to you?

lost_girl: no dear, her mass mailing subject matter to you is insulting to me, so I delete them

lost_girl: today's was actually NOT insulting, just typical, and my patience is wearing thin.

h: don't worry - it will all fade away, especially once she gets a job.

lost_girl: i am under the impression she is working four now.

h: as a part timer

h: she obviously has time to write emails

lost_girl: yes, and to you. I am sorry that she still has a hold on you like this.

h: knock it off - she has no hold on me, only on you and you let her do it to you. Just forget about it and dont let your emotions ruin the start to our weekend.

lost_girl: I am really sorry that my feelings about this are so trivial to you.

Is it any wonder why I have problems communicating with this man? He always turns things back to being a problem for me. I admit I am no great communicator, but I made an effort here. If I deserve a 2X4, people, please let me have it. But I think ANY feelings I have regarding BMOW, who BTW should be in our past and NOT remaining in our present, should be a MAJOR concern for my H.

If the convo had continued, I was simply going to ask him to block ALL her known personal email addresses from his work email account, but leave her business email address unblocked. And on his personal hotmail account, I was going to ask him to block ALL her known email addresses. She shouldn't be writing him there anyway for any reason.

So, am I being unreasonable here?

Also, this morning, I checked H's work email as I usually do of a morning. Nothing from BMOW, but out of curiosity, I looked in his address book and found under "Frequent Contacts" two email addresses for BMOW. One was her business email, which I was aware of, but one was a personal one that I was under the impression that she RARELY, if ever, uses. And there it was under "frequent contacts". <sigh> I took the liberty of deleting it for a small measure of satisfaction.

I am looking forward to our next counseling appointment on Monday the 20th. We are going to need it.

LG