Quote: He had/has to know (on some level) that one of us had to be rational, so he could stand in front of me, and feel, I mean KNOW that I wasn't going to erupt, become emotional, that my feet were firmly on the ground before he even started moving through the tunnel. Someone had to be able to make sense out of what was going on. I found he needed an anchor, and it was me. I realized all his pushing buttons was no more than a test to see if I was grounded. Each time he tested me and it caused a reaction (from me) it sent him off further into his emotional turmoil, destroying everything in his path, whick felt like mostly me. It wasn't until I had a firm foothold on the earth, was he able to touch the ground.
The more quiet my mind, heart and soul is, the more I see him slow down, I do see him still testing me, but with each test now, he feels safer, because I no longer react but remain calm, positive and in a reassuring manner. I feel his mind slowing down, and now bits and pieces are starting to connect. No, he still won't admit to any of this, and no, he is still very much unaware of what is going on. He does say he is feeling clearer, happier, and more relaxed. I just had to be first, and he is following me. I had to fully accept me, which made it easier to accept him or should I say his behavior.
This is awesome, I a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y love IT!! I SEE and KNOW that this is WHAT I need to do as I am the rational one...it came to me not too long ago, put into words in a way that I wouldn't have been able to do. I too have to be my H's anchor, to put my emotions/feelings away for now. It's the only way through, he has no one BUT me, I have to be there for my H. In my H's eyes everyone else has abandoned him, nobody will show him the way. I see this now.
Sorry for hijacking, but THAT post says it all for anybody who is trying to piece their marriage back together. WE are the strong ones, we all need to be that anchor.
