I am new to the piecing forum, but H and I have actually been piecing for several months. My abbreviated timeline of events:
Mid-October 2003: Discovered H having PA with his business manager. I dub her BMOW.
Nov 2003: I moved out of the house because I wasn't strong enough to take H flaunting the PA. I figured that if they wanted each other, they could have each other.
Late Nov 2003: H accused me of vandalizing his lover's car and threatened me with a restraining order and divorce. (We find out later that she vandalized her own car so that my H would have JUST THIS REACTION! She was ready to run off with him and my H was dragging his feet.)
Early Dec. 2003: With continued threats from my H, I filed for divorce.
Dec. 21, 2003: I accept Christ as my Savior, was baptized, and my H actually came to see this event!
Late Dec. 2003: Found DB, DR books and this BB. I started to change my mindset and began DBing. With Christ and God's Word to support me, I started working on my marriage.
Jan. 2004: H and I attempt some joint marital counseling. He quits after three visits because he claims that on a scale of 1-10 he is about an 8-9 of being happy. I continue with the counseling on my own. H and I start emailing each other and start having lunch together on Sundays. H continues to cake eat in the relationship with me, BMOW and numerous other women. (I only knew of BMOW at the time.) I read James Dobson's book "Love Must be Tough" and let my H go from the cage and do the LRT. Unbeknownst to me, he takes it as me telling him I never want to see him again, period. All communication between us ends.
Feb 2004: H has a nervous breakdown, misses work for two+ weeks and a doctor puts him on ADs. I learn of this much later.
Mid-March 2003: ADs start taking effect and my H starts emailing me love notes!
Late March 2003: H calls me and wants to see me. I go for a brief visit that I control and end on my time and leave him wanting more.
April 5, 2004: H ends EA/PA with BMOW. She does not take it well.
April through June 2004: H and I get to know one another again.
June 24, 2004: Our 9th wedding anniversary. I move back home and H puts his wedding ring back on. We opt to start a new life together rebuilding, so I change jobs at his request.
July 5, 2004: Start new job for more money and better benefits.
July 30, 2004: I resign from the new job because the travel and long hours are keeping us apart and is not conducive to our relationship rebuilding. Also, I had some problems with the integrity of duties I was asked to perform. This same weekend, H and I attend a marriage retreat at my church, renew our vows, and recommit to the marriage.
August 2004: I become a housewife for the first time in my life. I attempt cooking and caring for my H. He eats it up and loves it, but we seem to have reached a plateau in our relationship, i.e. the honeymoon is over.
Sept 2004: I am starting to question what it is my H wants from me and our marriage.
So back to the failing miserably part--my H seems to be content, but I am not, and it's NOT the housewife thing at all. It is the lack of intimacy we have. Our relationship is still so superficial that I am not feeling a deeper connection to him. In fact on some days, I get incredibly down from it because I desire him and the connection so desperately. And he just happily goes on about his merry way while I am dying inside.
There is going to be a blow up soon, though. Today was one of those down days for me and H is NOT in his happy camper mood. I predict that this evening may be a little rough for us.
And so my saga continues,..., but it is nice to continue it in piecing.
LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
