I have learnt more than ever this weekend how important it is to let our H's come to us in their own time and at their own pace. me and my H had a great night out together, and a really good week overall. Then last night we were going out with my parents for a meal so I asked him to stop the night and well, the change in him was unbelievable. He got moody, starting arguing with me, and started bringing up all the old things right back from the beginning again. I walked away and gave him some time, and when I went back to him we talked a bit more sensibly. He told me that he could not stand it when i put pressure on him in any way, and that when I did if just felt like running again. He said that he needed to come home in his own time when he was ready and not through anyone puting pressure on him. He said he was happier at the moment just stopping 2/3 nights a week and if I kept puting pressure on him to stop more then he would stop staying all together. I did start to argue back with him, I just could not help it, but then I stopped myself. Within the hour he was back to his normal happy, laughing self. Its like he still has this jeckle and hyde character, and he can turn it on and off so quickly.
When he becomes moody its so hard not to argue back as he can be verbally so nasty. He brings up all the things from the past and throws them back in my face blaming me for everything, saying I never listened to him or I never saw the signs. He also says things like ' well I have had to put up with you being in control for 13 years so I think the least you can do is put up with me being in control for 6 months'!! The things he says when he is like this is so unfair and they do hurt. But I try and take myself back to the beginning and remember not to take it to heart all that they say when they are mad .
On a positive side I suppose its good that my H can now tell me when he is unhappy and why! At the end of the day I need to know these things to be able to put them right. Its so hard - I never imagined it would ever take this long to come right, but I am realising that even though we are working things out and getting there there is still a long way to go yet!!
