Mooka, thanks! Yes, all very good questions. Yes, I do think down the road H will realize the significance of family and get his priorities straight. However, how long is the road? 1 mile or 1,000, noone knows.
I am feeling very blue. I don't feel blue often, actually pretty rarely so I guess I am overdo. Here are my current stresses that are getting me down:
My father completed his 4th marathon in October and then died 1 month later of a sudden heart attack. This Oct. will be 2 yrs. ago.
I am training for a 1/2 marathon that I will do in Oct. and the sadness of my father passing this time of year is eating me.
I ran 10 miles this am and had a hard time. Lots of hills, very discouraging. My friends and I ran a full marathon in June so we have the mindset of "13 is nothing", however; with this 13 being very hilly it is actually much tougher than I anticipated.
I bought a heart rate monitor and used it for the first time during my run today. With my dad dying of a HA I am a bit paranoid now. Well, I can easily get my HR up to 180-190 when I am running/jogging up a hill. A flat area it's about 160. My recovery is very quick when I start walking which is good; however, the fact that most of my run my HR is at or above my max HR is not good and bothersome to me. I feel ok when it is that high but it does make me wonder why my HR raises so easily??? I am 34 yrs. old. My father died at the age of 62.
I'm annoyed that I am not skinny. I try to eat well most of the time. I could definately work harder on eating less and exercising more but I am sick of trying on clothes and being unhappy about how I look. Yes, I am actively working on this issue but at the moment I am sick and tired of it. I NEED to lose 30 lbs.
My sitch is topping on the cake. H is still in the house, we have planned to tell the kids tomorrow that Daddy is living in his apt., etc...
I am so torn b/n listening to peoples conflicting advice. 1) be patient and DB and act happy with the present sitch and 2) throw his a*s to the curb and move on. I am trying to listen to what God is telling me but it is not clear to me.
