Hi Nik, I'm so sorry that this has happened. Conflict avoiders often pick up lots of passive aggressive defense mechanisms. You might want to read up on this very hurtful and damaging coping skill, because it may give you some insight as to how he reacts to life. One I can think of is: Living with a Passive Aggressive Man.
It seems the fixer, nurturer type and the passive aggressive type often become 'partners'. I don't think it a sustainable relationship unless people are willing to confront what they are and how they react...and of course, conflict avoiders won't do that.
Perhpas your H might consider going the route of divorce counseling which, with the right counselor, can really be marriage counseling in disguise. But without your H really SEEING what causes him to think, feel and react the way he does...all the DBIng in the world is like a small bandaid.
I guess the important thing to remember is that H probably brought a lot of this 'damage' into the marriage. Chances are he never even knew he had fears and anger and resentment and that it became directed at you. I'd like to believe that these are good men who just can't seem to face issues that need facing.
It is good that both of you are trying to be there for the babies. Good luck!! gd
