Nik, Hogging your thread for a sec, Bob! You are back! How are you? I was thinking of you with college football starting and remembering watching it last year at the weekend! I hope all is well with you, we have missed you around these parts.
Nik, It really, truly sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. He seems to change his mind at every juncture, possibly taking his lead from you -- maybe sensing you aren't ready to have him back as you don't think he is, thus he backs off.
Live your life, for you, do what makes you happy. I think eventually the elevator will hit the top and he will realize what he has always wanted was right in front of him, but how long are you willing/able to wait? Take things slow. Look at my H, after stringing me along for a year, he finally moves out and says similar words to yours, signs a one year lease, because he will never feel that way again, and 4 months later is back. But, more than ever, now is the time to drop the rope. Let him define his relationship with the kids, don't mediate, don't make it easy for him, be kind, but nothing else. I think we are such fixers we help them figure out how to interact with the kids and when the kids refuse to talk to them on the phone, we'll say things like they were talking about you earlier, just to make our Hs feel better. But that stops.
The best advice I ever got here was to only answer what the kids ask. Don't go overboard on explanations, they will only ask what they can handle or understand. I stuck to that during the S and it helped. And when I wanted to overexplain to them, I stopped myself. And I think the majority of us here are a bit verbose and can analyse the hell out of anything.
Good luck, this really sucks, but you have the strength to see you through. And by the grace of God maybe he'll get his head out of the sand before it is too late!
