No, not the Rod Serling kind, but something like it. I haven't been hanging out here on a regular basis since I went on vacation at the end of July, and it's partly due to laziness, partly due to getting out of synch with everyone here, and partly due to not having much to post about. I considered several possible titles for this thread, with the strongest contender being "Clueless in Canada", kinda like "Sleepless in Seattle", but in the end, I think Twilight Zone is a better reflection on where I'm at.
W and I ML (sort of) the other night, and that was the one and only attempt in August, and it was a load of crap. I can't even remember exactly which night it was, it was so bad. I do know that I had requested LM one evening on the way home from work, and she had agreed, but S18 had some friends over that night, and by the end of the evening we were both too tired, and I suggested (and she agreed) it would be the following night. So the following night, we did ML, but halfway through she started making "pain" faces, so I asked her if she was in pain and she said "Yes", so I stopped and laid down beside her, and she started a half-hearted attempt at a hand job, which I finished.
So all during August, there was no LM, and not even a suggestion on her part. For my part, there were many times I wanted to, but again laziness and ennui took over, or maybe it was a part of me not wanting to always have to initiate... I don't know. So during that time, aside from the fact that I was busy with a bunch of stuff, I just didn't feel like hanging out here, because I didn't really have anything to contribute, and every time I came here there were so many new posts it just seemed hopeless to get caught up.
So at this point, I'm pretty clueless about my sitch. I feel like we have lost all the progress I fought so hard for, and it's hard to even get myself motivated to talk to her about it. Neither of us has done any reading in weeks. It's kinda like when we went on vacation, we also took a vacation from the R. Now we're getting into "back to school" stuff, which means she's always preoccupied, and I'm feeling like I'm selling myself out. I guess I'm going to have to confront her on it again soon.
It's weird... she will (apparently) NEVER initiate, although lately when I indicate I would like to ML, the answer seems to be an "automatic" "Yes", although she never seems very enthusiastic about it. It's like her main focus is trying to make sure I'm satisfied, but with no focus at all on meeting her own needs. So it's kind of like we've slid back into the "black hole", but with differences. And the weird thing is, I'm not really sure any more just how I feel about all this. That's not like me. Maybe part of it is like "If this is the best you can do, why would I want to ML to you?" But for the most part it's more like I can't really bring myself to care... very weird....
