Glad you shared about mil. I think if you examine the actions of H's mom, and then H's programmed responses, defense mechanisms, expected behaviours, etc. from the point of view of being raised by a woman that expects you to model bras for her and wants to know why you don't like her style, they will start to make sense.

With that in mind, it's no wonder H doesn't get it - that you want him to initiate dates, and quality time, and physical affection.
1) His mom probably dominated his upbringing, and even if he did rebel, she is his model for R in M.
2) Those aren't his LL, so telling him doesn't help him understand them.

In my case, W's LL is physical touch, completely foreign to me. I feel extremely awkward walking up to W and hugging her. Same with my kids - hugging is just not something I do. Took 30 years before I would hug my parents, and I've only hugged my Dad once. During my homecoming from Iraq we shook hands! Anyway - what I'm trying to share is how difficult it can be to appreciate the significance of a LL that is foreign to us.
I've learned to recognize in W's body language that a hug has a whole different meaning to her than it does to me. THis is my W - and I still feel awkward hugging her

LL - KOFTGF, You've got some good goals. Keep working on defining specific actions you want H to do, and then figure out what you can do to influence and teach H.
Vent all your negativity and frustration, and warped MIL shopping stories , here, and spend your positive energy on doing something different with H.

Oh, and what I meant by the "whatever" pun, was if you include as a choice of activities a), b) & c) whatever - H is going to choose c) whatever, and expect you to decide what to do. Although you think you are being clear, H thinks he is being clear too. He will do whatever you want to, and since you are leaving it up to him, he does whatever he always does.

plk