Quote: since after all part of the reason I left was becuase you weren't happy with me"
So - doesn't this mean he (mis)interprets your pleas as you not loving him and valuing him?
no I wouldn't say that. I would however guess it may send a message to him that he's just not good enough or that I'm some how insatiable.
What would happen if, instead of asking him for the things you want, you asked him what you could give him that HE wants? (Don't whack me yet!!!)
I'm sorry that my bluntness and lack of need to beat around the bush or pretty things up is taken as "whacking people" I'm direct...what can I say.
more to the point. I've asked h what he wants...he can't answer...I've asked him what he's not happy with...he has no reply...basically what it comes down to is he's happy..his needs are being met all that remains is for me to be happy and have my needs met and that he doesn't seem to feel is his responsibility. Somehow in his mind it is his responsibility to offer financial stability, a nice lawn, empty trash barrells in the garage and nothing more.
What if you wrote to him: "H, I realize my requests for things I want in the R make you feel like I'm not happy with you and don't love you. Since this isn't true, I'm realizing that I must not be doing the things that would make you feel happy and loved. (And obviously, isn't that what we'd both like, to feel happy and loved?) So I'd like to ask you, what could I be doing differently or better in this R that would contribute to you feeling happy and loved?"
I do not intend my reply to be taken as a "whack" or as disinterest in what you are saying. I've much respect for the advice you offer on the bb..however I have said and written such sentiments to h and recieved nothing in return. I could go and pull out very old letters I've written with much the sentiment you've stated and you know what??....they didn't do anything.
Ellie
I refuse to feel hopeless...I want this m to work out..I want my children to have what I no longer have (their parents together) but I don't want it if it isn't benificial to all in more than a monotary sense.
