Maybe try another medium? We already know talking is NOT his preferred medium. How about in writing? How about in a different place or time of day?
there doesn't seem to be any "right time of day" "time of year" "weather" or medium..Over the past 15 years I've tried letters, talking, crying, councelling, leaving (long before marriage as we dated 9 years before m), being playful about it, and about all that seems to work is threatening to leave and that is NOT the way I want to go about having my needs met.
And even that can be misinterpreted - my H's continual pleas for me to change were wrapped in his smoldering anger and interpreted by me as A) a lack of love for me, B) a criticism of me and lack of him "loving me for who I am", I have done my best to not ask for what I need out of anger and clearly try to express that it is I who feel a lack of being loved when my needs are not met or shoved asside for a rainy day. and C) a frightening threat that carried an implied "or else I'll leave you" which really kicked in my fears of abandonment. well can you imagine how I feel...I can't ask for my needs to be met else I'm faced with "be happy with what you get or I'LL leave you again...since after all part of the reason I left was becuase you weren't happy with me" No wonder I couldn't really hear what he was asking me for, with so many layers of fear and meaning wrapped around it!
