Quote: Look, I know all about that trick - being the martyr, getting madder and madder and keeping it all in, then lashing out. I used to be a pro at it. You know what? IT DOESN'T WORK. It is NOT the way to a healthy R, or to getting the things you want out of him.
though I appreciate the comments (I don't really scare you do I?) it seems as though you are assuming I haven't tried the
Quote: What I've (finally) learned to do, is to simply address things immediately when they come up - calmly, non-accusatory, - simply ask the questions as they arise.
that didn't get me anywhere and so I now just keep most un major issues to myself.
trouble is it seems I am more likely to get what I want out of h (even if only temporarily) by holding it in and "bursting" otherwise my "calm" "unaccusatory" "non judgemental" questions or request don't seem to be taken seriously.
Quote: You want to encourage this kind of behavior, don't you??
NO! I really don't want to encourage this satiating type of behavior because to me it is nothing more than the equivilant of a man who screws up and buys flowers, screws up and buys flowers, screws up and buys flowers instead of just figuring out why he's screwing up so he doesn't have to buy flowers.
Dinner out with the family as a means to make amends or say something unsaid is NOT what I'm looking for. what I'm looking for is what I've clearly stated to h
I would like
one night a week set asside for us to spend some qt together doing something other than him falling asleep on the couch while pretending to be watching tv with me. This does not require leaving the house or spending any money..it simply means after putting the kids to bed (they're in bed by 8pm) we sit together and play a game of cards or darts or whatever.
I would like more physical intimacy
I don't think there's any way to missinterperet what I want.
SO sure I say wtf to his suggesting we go out to dinner (mind you I haven't spoken to him yet about it but will go and be appreciative) when we clearly have some other major issues (like where we will be spending thanksgiving for example) that have not yet been resolved and to this point seem unresolveable.
