I was reading Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson and listenting to him on the radio this AM and had a thought. His idea is that when one spouse starts to disrespect another, a gap between the two opens up. When one starts to persue the spouse that seems to be drifting away, the drifting spouse moves further away. Begging and pleading doesn't work and in fact pushes the drifting spouse further.

I was thinking I was the disrespected spouse, but I started thinking, you know what? I'm the one who lost respect for him over the years, with his behavior and drinking and criticism of others and of me. So I pulled away and he persued and I drifted further away. I never considered cheating, I just lived with it. I knew I couldn't change him, so I accepted it. I let the kids be my focus, protecting them from his rants, not letting them see him passed out after being out all night drinking, taking care of them, going to visit both sets of grandparents when he couldn't get time off. etc.

So, how do I fix that?

I came to the midnight revelation that we both feel justified in expecting the other to fall in line, make amends, do what the other expects, without asking for anything in return. Does any of that make sense? Or is this one of those things that seem really important at 2AM, but not so clear in the light of day?

I'm asking you all because you seem so wise and our situations so similar.

Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.