I have thought about this for some time and no not in the same manner of a waw....
I've come to the conclusion that I am not in love with my husband...I don't even know if I like him.
I know he's a person and probably even has a personality to boot...but it's just not clicking with me...
it's not a new thing...
didn't come about because of ow...
didn't come about because of the sit...
an example I have of this "lack of spark" does come from after disclosure of ea ow but is pretty much an example of the way it has been for god knows how long...
h and I after discovery of ow started having weekly date nights and often doubled with another couple that live in the area (he used to be friend with the h of that couple but is no longer...I am still friends with them however...the end of his friendship has nothing to do with me but more to do with his box lifestyle) we were out at a pool hall waiting for a table...we all sat at the bar when the wife said to my h..."you gotta lighten up" I turned to her and let her know it had nothing to do with her that was just the way he was and that it was probably more me than her or her h...not two seconds later one of his football buddies showed up at the bar and poof! my h came to live was all smiles and talkative and well...alive. No sooner did the buddie leave did h return to the misserable silent serious man I'm used to.
h can spend hours on the phone with his buddie but is silent around me...
I just spent 4+ days away with him (without the kids) and it was the most lonley I've felt lately. He spent the majority of every morning on the phone with his employees as well as a few calls during the day..each evening consisted of an hour + of phone calls to employees and customers and of course there were a few just for fun calls to football pals. The rest of the time was either spent driving to a reseraunt or sitting in watching tv wich usually meant he'd fall asleep.
now take tonight...before the dishes were even cleared from the table h was calling his buddie...ya then he got off the phone to eat some cake with me and the kids..then off he went to read a book he got for his birthday a couple hours later I asked him to put son to bed (I had already put dd to bed) he returned promptly when finished back to the reading chair but chose to have another 1+ phone conversation with buddie...eventually he came to the room I was in and interupted me with several questions about the movie I was already an hour into watching and of course you guessed it now he's snoring on the couch...I think I'll leave him there..I sleep better when he's not in the bed anyway...a year of having the bed to yourself will do that.
I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with this man.
