Lostlove, I have been reading some of your last threads, and it breaks my heart. You and I have been here almost the same length of time. My H also wants to put no effort into our R--only work work work. The difference between our sitches--my H still is not home. Almost 2 1/2 years, and I am finally on the verge of giving up.

I worry that even if H finally decided to come home, and that chance seems to be getting slimmer by the day....that we will fall into the same patterns and ruts that got us here in the first place.

I agree with you, there is more to marriage than co-existing. I wish that I had some magic words to tell you that would change everything for you. But if I did, I would have already used them on myself.

Have you read Michele's book "How to get through to the man you love"? Something like--the no nagging guide. Maybe it would help you approach him in a different way.

Of course, I seem to be too inept at implementing the advice into my own life. Nothing I've done has worked. He's still 'thinking'.

DNO