OK, yes it did make a difference for a while, but lately, I don't know what's going on. One day, he will tell me how much he misses me, then the next he's back to his old crabby, negative self, I feel inadequate or guilty or whatever else I make myself feel, and ..I guess that's the backslide, huh?

But do you really think one should be able to keep up the PMA when confronted with Mr. Negative, Mr. Needy?

I was running a garage sale with some friends today and he was disappointed in me because I wasn't excited to see him this morning when he came to pick up the kids. I told him I appreciated him taking them to soccer, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted me to be happy to see him, I was happy, but not to his satisfaction, I guess. It leaves me 2nd guessing everything I do and wondering if it's to his satisfaction, and felling that there is little I do that is to his satisfaction. I think that's it, you know? He's just never been satisfied with much that I do. And I'm left feeling unworthy. And I'm not, dammit! I just feel that way when he's around. Who's fault is that? Mine I suppose, not my fault, but my responsibility? Something like that, eh?

Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.